Growing Pains

I seem to be on a down swing to my trip.  The last few days I have just wanted to isolate myself.  I've stayed in bed, avoided really talking to anyone and have enjoyed just being at home.  I can't exactly explain it, other than I think all the processing and re-entering into the U.S. has finally caught up with me.  Last week, I was still excited and on a "high".  This week, I just want to be left alone.

You plan a trip like mine for months.  Anticipating, packing, thinking, dreaming, etc.  Then it finally arrives and it's over before you know it.  Then you come back knowing that your life, your views, your convictions about things have changed drastically (or in my case, been confirmed) and you feel like you are the only one on the planet who feels this way.  I KNOW this is not true, but it is a very real feeling.

I feel kind of stuck in a way.  I know what God has shown me but I'm not quite sure what to do with all of it yet.  Now I just wait.  I hate waiting.

This opportunity has affected my thinking so deeply that I know it will have it's fingerprints on my entire future. I know that God is going to use this whole experience in my life and in the lives of others.  He doesn't waste anything.  This entire thing has it's purpose.  Maybe it won't come about for a while, maybe He will use it tomorrow.  What I do know is, I have to be willing.  I have to be ready.  I have to be aware.  I have to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit working in my heart. 

Right now I am praying for discernment and wisdom.  I'm praying that God will continue to reveal His purpose in my life.  That I will be real and transparent to others.  That I will take what I have learned and find the way to best apply it to my life - my family.  That I will focus on here and now when my mind so obviously keeps wanting to be there.

Won't you pray with me?