Our Christmas Blessings

In late 2010, God began really working in my heart and life concerning how we did Christmas.  It was a long and difficult journey for me and if I was honest, I would say that it still is.  Although it led to my amazing assignment with Apparent Project, there has still been some difficult struggles. After being exposed to Haiti and extreme poverty, I'm just so much more conscious of how and what we spend at Christmas time - and throughout the year for that matter.  But, it is still so difficult.  Needs vs. wants - it's a constant battle in our consumer driven culture.

I think it's worse at Christmas time because of expectations.  Like most people, we live on a tight budget.  We came into fall with a fair amount in savings and a car repair took ALL of it.  So thankful that we had it in savings, but it took away all freedom as we came into Christmas.  As the holiday approached, I once again, found myself angry and frustrated.  So many things that I wanted to do for people and no funds to do it with.  I wound up being on a big emotional roller coaster, just wanting to skip Christmas all together.

In the beginning of this journey, in 2010, I read this in a blog written by a facebbook friend who lives in Haiti:  "I find great inspiration in the simple, dingy, gritty, humble celebrations of those who struggle and toil without access to our unstained images of Christmas. I long for their stripped down total dependence on God. I pray for spiritual wealth like that of the materially poor. I want their depth. I want their undying hope. I want a Christmas less like Oprah’s and more like theirs."   That's hard stuff!

This was re-posted again this year (You can read the entire post here) and I was reminded about how it had affected me three years ago.  I remember praying about that.  Longing for their "stripped down total dependence on God."  Praying for "spiritual wealth like that of the materially poor."   But did I really know what that meant?  Was I really willing to go through what it would take to get me there?

We experienced this when we were on staff with Crusade.  We depended on God for EVERY penny.  Now that regular paychecks come in every other week, it's easy to become more relaxed in the financial area. So I've come to realize that He still keeps us financially dependent in some areas.  And it always seems to happen to us at Christmas time. 

EVERY YEAR!!!  

I'm starting to see a pattern.  Seriously!!!!  

No matter what we save, how we plan - it gets stripped away every year and we are left wondering how we are going to pull Christmas off.  We've cut back tremendously.  Russ and I haven't purchased for each other in years.  Instead of things - we focus anything extra into getting away as a family.  Relationships and memories are more important to us than "stuff."  But, we still want to get a few things for the kids and recognize other friends and family members with a little something as well.  And every year, I wind up angry and frustrated because it doesn't seem like we can even do that.

So when I put all this together, I realized that I was angry with God for trying to answer my prayers from three years ago.  I prayed to be dependent on Him - to gain that spiritual wealth.  But each year when He attempts to draw me in -  to rely on Him and Him alone, I get really angry.  And grumpy.  And downright Scrooge like.  It's NOT pretty!  Ask my husband - and my closest friends who get to hear me complain.

But - EVERY year - in His grace - He provides anyway.  He lets me gripe and complain and whine and cry and be a big old baby about the whole thing and He still steps in and takes care of my desires. Especially when my desires/worries don't even compare to the concerns of the majority of the rest of the world. You would think that I would learn by now.  His provision always blindsides me.  Oh - to just blindly trust with no other thoughts or cares.  To not get caught up in the expectations of others. 

"For He is able to do EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY above ALL that we ask or imagine..." Eph. 3:20

This year, of course, was no exception.  We wound up with an extra paycheck this month (I was so stressed out, I didn't put that one together!  Gee - I'm a mess)  But things were still going to be tight. We were not even going to get to go away like we usually do.  Everyone was bummed about that.  So the extra paycheck was going to help with the food and gifts - but we would have to be careful.

One of the things that we wanted to do was replace Jarod's basketball goal.  It had been stolen in the Spring and we had not been able to replace it.  I had been praying that the Lord would somehow make it happen.  Jarod had his eye on a nice, new one from Academy but it just was not going to fit into our budget at all.  I got on Craig's list and emailed a few different people - several times.  No one would respond to my inquiries.  I thought that was really weird.  

I finally put a shameless plug out on Facebook - I explained that his had been stolen, we were looking to replace it and asked if there was anyone out there willing to sell theirs or if they knew of someone who was.   Almost instantly I had a private message from a friend, willing to sell theirs.  I was so excited!  I drove by their house that afternoon to look at it.  It was in good shape - but it wasn't like the one Jarod had his eye on.  I called Russ and we chatted about it.  Russ suggested we wait and see if anyone else responded to the post.  If not, we would purchase it the next day.  Sounds like a plan.

Then about 6:30 that night I received a private message from another friend, wondering if we had found one yet.  Our conversation went like this - 

Friend - Hey Cami - did you ever find a hoop for Jarod? We have been blessed with some extra money this season, and we'd like to contribute to replacing his hoop. How much would a new one run down there?

Wow - how do you respond to that????

Me -  Wow! A little speechless here. The one he wants is about $$$ new. I did find a used one today (a smaller sized backboard than he wants) for $$.

I mean - when someone says they want to "contribute" you don't know exactly what that means so you give them options.......

Friend -  We'd like to send you (full amount)  so he can get the one he wants. (We've made it our mission to bless pastor's families that we know, and this certainly qualifies!)

Do you guys have a Paypal account? If so, send me the email it's under.

Me -  Oh my goodness! What a blessing! You have no idea. It's been an emotional struggle for me this year. Trusting God to provide. I'm in tears. Thank you so much!!! My paypal address is ........

Friend -  Transfer sent. You should have the funds in your Paypal account shortly.

And stop crying!

Me -  That's just what I do. Lol   They are happy grateful tears!

So once again - God did exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or imagine this year.  He totally blew me away with His provision.  This gift freed us up to be able to surprise Jarod with something very unexpected and still be able to bless others the way we desired to.  So much worry and stress when God had it all planned out. 

Russell went and picked up the basketball goal and hid it at my brother's house.  That night, everyone came over to decorate Christmas cookies and a certain redheaded, 4 year old - who will remain anonymous, just could NOT keep the secret ANY longer! Ha Ha!  The benefit of this was that Jarod got to help Uncle Marc put it together on Christmas Eve.......

                                Soooooo thankful for Uncle Marc!  This was a heavy project!!!!

 

                                                               Finishing touches!

                                                                     Very excited!!!!

                 Of course, there was a brand new basketball under the tree Christmas morning!
Jarod knew we were tight and wasn't expecting this at all.  He was so excited and shocked at the same time.  It was so fun to sit down and tell him the story.  So he could see what God had done.

A special thank you to our friends for not just blessing Jarod with a basketball hoop - but for being obedient to what God had asked you to do.  Sometimes, our obedience has nothing to do with us - it's about someone else.  This time it was about our family - our journey (ok - maybe mostly crabby old me) MY journey in allowing God to continue to make us ME dependent on Him so that our MY faith will grow.  (Even with my kicking and screaming the entire way!)    


Funny - the things He uses to teach us with, huh?  It is so much more to us than just a basketball hoop.  It is about our faith.  It is about trusting God.  He'll do whatever it takes to draw us closer to Him.  I'm so thankful for that.  That is the best gift of all.

Maybe next year I'll have a better attitude!!!!

Appliance Bliss

So this weekend, God did another one of His "Exceedingly abundantly above all I could ask or imagine" things (Eph. 3:20) in my life.  For those of you who don't know - that is our life verse.  We claim it often and we see God honor it left and right in our lives.  And I always LOVE to tell about each situation that comes about.  Sometimes they are incredibly spiritual things and other times, although there are lessons to be learned, I know it's just simply because He loves me.

This story starts about 3 years ago.  I had been wrestling with God for over a year about my house.  God gave us our house in a series of miraculous Eph. 3:20 things that only he could do.  Russ was teaching school, we were in between ministry and had returned from our trip to Oregon.  Russ was putting resumes out ALL OVER the country.  I dug my heals in hard.  I DID. NOT. WANT. TO. MOVE.     ANYWHERE!!!!!

Russ and I once had a conversation that went something like this:

Russ:  I'm ready to move to Zimbabwe and live in a hut if that's what God wants us to do, I don't understand why you are fighting this.

Me:  WELL WE ALL CAN'T BE AS SPIRITUAL AS YOU!!!!!!

As I storm off to take a shower.  I will tell you that God convicted me in the shower for speaking to my husband that way and when I came out, I apologized and we talked further - but I still was NOT convinced that I wanted to move anywhere.

The big hang up - my house.  God had given it to me - it was my first one ever.  I had waited years for our own house.  I had decorated, painted, remodeled and I was not about to just walk away and let someone else have it.

Boy - writing all of this brings back all the yuck.  It took me an entire year. (I'm slow like that) but eventually I understood that my house - God's sweet gift to me - had become my idol.  I cared far more about it than I did His calling on my life.  I had become complacent.  Comfortable. 

So about 3 years ago, it all hit me.  I got on my knees, asked for forgiveness and gave my house back to God.  I let go.  Such a peace and joy came over me and I can honestly say that Russ and I were on the same page again and I was ready to go to Zimbabwe and live in a hut if that's what God wanted us to do.

I laugh now, because shortly after that, Russ was called to Ocean Park out at the beaches and I literally had to put a For Rent sign in my yard.  But it was okay - I was ready!  And I wasn't moving to Zimbabwe - I was only going across town.  To the beach no less - how cool is that?

So - I was all spiritual and ready to do whatever.  I had given it to the Lord and I was good.  Then my oven broke.  Now I know to most of you, this seems really minor. But not me!  It sent me into a tizzy!  Like a call Russell - and when he stopped listening to my ramblings - call Emily kind of tizzy!

I could NOT believe my oven broke!  We don't typically purchase things just to upgrade - not until they are broken and need replaced.  I had been waiting for my oven to go (although there were no signs of it) so I could buy a glass top.  Oh how I wanted a glass top.  It was going to be the next upgrade in my kitchen.  Now I was moving!  I rambled on and on being so angry.  Emily (having spent many years as a property manager before all her rambunctious boys) advised me NOT to put a glass top in a rental.  Great.  Now I had to go out and buy another cheap, ugly oven and I would never get my glass top.

I was so pouty and yucky - I couldn't even think ahead that God might give me a glass top in my new house.  No  -  I was too busy being mad again about having to move.  That's what it boiled down to.  It's always a process for me.  The pendulum has to swing hard in both directions for a while before I finally find the balance in the middle.  It was swinging hard on this day.

Another great friend of ours, Chuck, called me that day.  He was looking for Russ but got me instead.  He got to listen to me whine.  But - being the kind of guy that he is, he asked me what the problem was with my oven and I told him that the heating element had burned up and broke in half.  He told me that was an easy fix and that I could easily get a replacement part.

Wow! What a concept.  I wouldn't have to buy a new one for strangers moving into my house.  I got on the phone and investigated.  I drug the kids all over town as we searched for the part.  Russ was working and so was my brother so Jarod and I worked together and I replaced it myself!  I was so happy!  (there goes that pendulum swing again!)


For the past 3 years, my oven has worked just fine and I have been very content.  Obviously we did not move at all.  The Lord never moved us to the beach and now that we are serving a church in our community, we understand why.  I now know in my heart that the Lord wanted my willingness to move.  My willingness to do what ever He called me to do - and to let go of all the STUFF!  It's been a long, up and down process full of broken heating elements and I even believe my trip to Haiti had a lot to do with that as well.  Seeing employed Haitians being content with so much less will easily put life into perspective. Amazing the things God uses to bring us closer to him.

Okay - so the icing on the cake in all of this came about this weekend.  God just shakes his head at crazy me, I am sure.  I have fought and kicked and screamed and finally complied and have become content.  I'm learning that it's in that contentment that He is able to REALLY bless.

My brother, Marc, is a painter, home repair, renovation kind of guy.  Property Services.  He had a client hire him recently to paint and do some minor repairs on a condo that they had just purchased.  They were closing on it at the end of March and they decided to gut the appliances.  Since they just get taken away by Lowe's or Home Depot - they offered them to Marc.  Marc and Sam replaced all of their appliances a few years back and knowing I had had an issue with my oven, he called me.

And guess what?

Not only was it a Glass Top Oven, but it was a microwave that gets mounted over the oven (hello --- more counter space!) AND a dishwasher!  The seal on ours was going bad and my microwave had just died.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!  Could you just squeal!!?????  Marc came over on Saturday and installed all of them for me.  The dates on them are from 2006 - the year we moved into our house.  Everything is Whirlpool - just like the fridge we bought in 2006 and it all matches! 

Isn't God good?  The amazing thing is - He had this planned all along.  He desires to bless us and take care of us even with things like appliances.

He doesn't care about my house - where I live - what I live in.  He cares about my heart.  He wants my willingness to go wherever and do whatever.  To do those things that He has made me to do.  When we seek Him first - all the other things will be added.  They are bonuses.  He gives them to us because He loves us - we are His children.  He makes sure our needs are met - "exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine."  We just have to be patient and TRUST.

Isn't it pretty????

I think I need to go cook something......

Until next time.......

God Continues to Reveal His Purpose

I've returned to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) this year.  Having taken 2 years off from the in depth study and feeling the need to be refreshed by soaking up God's Word, I felt the Lord leading me back.  For years I attended the class on the Westside of Jacksonville.  I have many friends there and many wonderful relationships.  But there is a class that is literally a stone's throw from my house.  Silly to drive across town (we do enough of that going to and from the beaches) when one is right around the corner.

I'll be honest and say that I was looking forward to sneaking in, laying low and soaking up the Word without any expectations on me.  Many people from the other class know my testimony, know I'm a "Pastor's Wife", knew my mother, etc.  I wanted to just hide a bit.

I walked into class last Thursday and within the first Hymn, I was fighting back the tears.  I always know that that is the Holy Spirit overflowing inside me and letting me know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  I had such a peace as we sang, "Holy, Holy, Holy".  My mind went back to my very first year in BSF.  I was about 22 years old and I went with my mother to the Women's Evening Class in Mandarin.  Mom was so excited that I was going.  She had been in BSF since we were little.  My brother went through the children's program.  Mom going to BSF was just normal for us.  Now I was joining her.

My first year was life changing for me.  We studied the "Life of Moses" and I learned about the holiness of God.  I was hooked!  And I've been studying the Bible with BSF ever since.  Only taking time off when the kids were born or these past two years as we stepped into a new direction in ministry.  So, I say all of that to let you know that with one verse of "Holy, Holy, Holy" I can only say that I felt like I was "home."  Even though I was surrounded by mostly strangers - I did find a half dozen or so women that I do know - I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be in that moment.

I left with my notes and my questions and God has allowed for a sweet quiet time with him every morning this past week.  Amazing how much quieter it is when your kids are in school!

BSF is known for its high application questions.  Personal questions that make you search deep and be honest with yourself and with others.  I was thinking about that all week and for some reason, thinking about my mom how my life and my walk with the Lord changed so drastically during her passing.  I realized for the first time that that no longer defines me.  Does that make sense?  I guess for the longest time I always felt like, "Hi, My name is Cami Franklin and my mom just died."  It will be 9 years this December but I realized in the last week that I am no longer that person.  The Lord has brought me through it and out of it.  Yes, I still have moments where I miss my mom - I always will.  But it no longer controls who I am - how I see the world.  I am still learning things from it and piecing things together - seeing God's sovereignty - His plan and purpose.  It has made me who I am today but I have new areas where God is growing me and stretching me.  When you have learned the lessons - God will move you on.  Wow.  It's been a long road but I feel such freedom.

So, I tell you all of this because today was my first day in my discussion group.  BSF divides you up into groups of your peers - no more than 15 women.  We discuss the answers to our questions that we worked on all week, get to know each other and share prayer requests.  Knowing that I wanted to come in and lay low, I just prayed that the Lord would put me in the right group of women.  That I could learn from them and that He would use me in their lives as well.

Well, the Lord answered my prayer in that I didn't know anyone in my group today.  During the end when our Discussion Leader is giving out prayer requests, she mentioned that one of the girls asked for prayer for wisdom as she is making decisions concerning her mom and Hospice.  I just shook my head.  Wow.  I looked at the girl - she was young.  I wondered what her story was.

I felt compelled to talk to her afterward but how weird is that?  We don't know each other.  I can't just walk up to a stranger and ask personal questions.  I went on to lecture and kept praying about it.  Walking up to someone like that is so NOT me.  I like to ease into a relationship.  But the urgency of it would not go away.  Then at the end of the lecture, the Teaching Leader said "We must be obedient in the small things in order to receive the next instructions" and she went on to say that "ALL of our experiences are used for God's purpose for us - to Glorify Him and to minister to others."

I know these things!  I say them myself!  But God works most when we get out of our comfort zone.  Walking up to a stranger and asking personal questions in totally out of my zone.

We prayed and I told the Lord that if I saw her as I was leaving, I would speak to her.  So - guess who I saw immediately as I turned around to leave.  God definitely has a sense of humor!

Anyway - I approached her and said something of the effect - "I know we just met - sort of - but your prayer request has really pricked my heart.  Tell me about your mom."  What an intro, right?  But, she was gracious and gave me her story.

I won't go into great detail but let's just say that her story is EXACTLY like mine.  I am NOT even joking.  In the few moments that we spoke, she told me what was going on and I felt as though I was looking in a mirror - or watching an old video of me 9 years ago.  The only difference is that instead of having ALS, her mom has the same exact cancer that Belinda had (Russell's sister who died a month after mom).  Same exact stuff.

It became so crazy that I even asked her how old she was.  32 - just like I was.  She has a 3 year old - just the age that Jarod was.  She does have another child who is younger and she said, "He is my salvation because I can't look at him and not be sad for long." Oh how I remember those days.

In our very brief conversation she also mentioned that she knew the Lord was working and that she was too attached to her mom - that the Lord was cutting the apron strings and she was learning to trust Him in new ways.

I sit here in tears - fully knowing all that she is going through and will continue to go through as her mom quickly declines.  I am also in awe at how the Lord brought us together this morning and thankful that I was obedient in talking to her.  I gave her my phone number - told her to call me.  I'll see her each week so I can follow up.

Please pray for her with me.  And pray for me to continue to be obedient.  To keep up with her - to encourage her as others encouraged me.  I am so very thankful in having talked to her today.  Even though my mothers death no longer defines me, God still continues to use it in my life and in the lives of those around me.  My mother's death is no longer about me and what I went through.  That had its time and place.  Now, it's about how I can help others. I want to share, I want to be open and real.  I want to encourage others coming behind me so that we can all enhance God's reputation.

He is a Great and Mighty and Personal God and He Loves Us - Oh!  How He Loves Us.  More than we can ever comprehend.