Growing Pains

Parenting is hard.

I mean, really hard.

When they are young, you are tired.  You are watching them closely.  Guiding, directing.  You have the constant responsibility of making sure they are fed, had enough sleep.  That they are polite to others and learn to share their toys.  You answer a million questions a day.  All the "whys".

There were days that I swore if I heard "Mommy" one more time - I would change my name or even run away!

It's so much easier to blog when they are younger.  They do so many cute things to make up for the crazy and everyone relates to you.  It's not so easy when they are older.

Now there is this fear that you are sharing too much - embarrassing them.  Putting things out there that they may not like becoming public knowledge.  And maybe you don't either because you feel like you blew it in the parenting department.  It makes it so much harder to write about.


As we are in the middle of the teenage years - and the beginning of High School - there are so many things that I could talk about but don't.  Those bone-headed things that teenagers do - and our boneheaded reactions.  When will I ever learn to respond rather then react?????

In the beginning I was holding tight - now  I'm letting go.  This stage is by far - the hardest.

Seriously.

It involves more faith and trust than I often feel that I have.

I've been here a lot lately - thus the fact that my last blog entry was from July!

This stage also involves so much more prayer.  Well - not that I didn't pray a lot before but I guess I felt like, because they were still so little, I had more control.  And I guess I did to some degree.

Now my prayer life consists of a lot more begging and pleading.  Asking God to give me the strength to let go and trust him with my son - AND asking Him to protect and guide him since I am no longer with him 24/7.  He is becoming his own person with his own thoughts and opinions.

The things that I see in him involve the heart.  And unfortunately, often it is easy to focus on the negative.  The things that you know need to change - but that change can only come from God working in his heart.  Not his mom giving him a lecture.

For the past several months, I have been really praying that God would draw him in.  And that he would grow his faith.  This is probably one of the most scariest prayers because I look back on my own life and I know that my faith grew/grows the most in trials and difficulties.  No one wants to watch their child go through difficulties. We want to protect them from them.  But - is that really helping them? 

Jarod was handed a huge blow this week.  I won't go into details in order to keep his privacy and because this involved another family and I don't want to distract from their great loss.  But I will say that I knew immediately that this was part of what I had been praying for.  I also learned that this wasn't just about Jarod's faith growing - but mine as well. 

As I sat many times crying with him this week, I just continued praying that God would use this in his life.  

I watched him grieve - but I also watched him stand tall and do the difficult things that he never had to do before.  I heard from others how Jarod had affected them positively and the impact he made.  I learned what an encourager he is to his friends and I could see how God has been using him.  I watched how he would analyze a situation before getting involved.  How he had the wisdom to speak up or stay quiet when needed.

He handled this with such strength and maturity for a 15 year old.  As I watched, I could see God working.  I could see God using him.  I could see God growing him.  I could see God answering my prayers and for a brief moment - letting go didn't seem so scary.

When Jarod was entering Pre-K and I was scared out of my mind - (Pre-K - ugh!  I knew NOTHING! LOL)  God spoke to my heart and said, "Cami, trust me with him.  The things I am allowing for him (good AND bad) are so he will become the man I need him to be later."

I go back to that nugget constantly as I pray that I can completely trust God with my son.  Knowing that no matter what comes his way - it has a greater purpose.  And God loves him far more than I ever can - and that is impossible for this mother to grasp.

Today - I am so proud of this guy - and the young man that he is becoming.  And I am thankful for a God that is full of grace and mercy.  That doesn't give up on me when I fail as a parent.  And who has a purpose and a calling for my son.

Chikungunya and Faith

Two weeks from today I will be sitting in Haiti again.  I'm really excited to be returning so soon.  I am traveling by way of Lacey, WA (Seattle area).  I know - long way around but we are having a  Board Meeting and we want to be able to sit and really communicate in person instead of via conference call.

So, on May 31, I will fly to Seattle for the Board Meeting and will be there until late Tuesday night.  Then I will take an overnight flight and arrive in Haiti on Wed, June 4.  Joyce and her daughter, Erin from my church (both run Daycare Centers) will join me on Thursday and we will spend the week helping to work out details at the new Apparent Project Daycare Center.  Soooo very excited about this.  Joyce is going to focus on administration, scheduling, etc. and Erin will be training the Nannies in infant CPR, first aid, etc.  It will have been running for a month when we get there and they will observe and see how things can be tweaked and improved.  We are already seeing such a great improvement in the health of the babies that are being cared for.  Having healthy food and stimulating play is so good for them!

The biggest concern that we have right now is the Chikungunya virus that has hit Haiti.  It is spreading rapidly through the country via mosquito.  It's incubation period is 3 - 7 days so you don't know that you have it.  A mosquito bites you and then goes on to the next person and gives it to them.  Last week, a third of the artisans were down with it - including Shelley.  It leaves you with a very itchy rash all over your body, high fever and severe joint pain.  There is no inoculation for it and no cure.  Just Tylenol to keep the fever down and lots of rest.  The good thing is that once you have had it - you are immune to future attacks.  It came into the Dominican Republic via Asia and Africa at the beginning of the year and is spreading quickly across the entire island.  It came into Port au Prince about a month ago.  It is not typically fatal but is most dangerous to the babies and elderly.

I tell you all of that to ask you to pray.

I'm having a hard time putting my feelings about this into words.  There is always a risk of "something" when traveling into Haiti.  It is a third world country after all.  I've had all my immunizations - Hepatitis A, Typhoid, I've taken the malaria meds.  No matter what I do - I always wind up with a touch of some kind of stomach bug when I go.  But having taken "precautions" I've never worried much because my risk is low.

It's funny how you become a little more apprehensive when the risk becomes high.  There is most likely a 95% chance that I will catch this virus while I am there.  I'm planning on covering up as much as possible and wearing lots of repellant - mosquitoes everywhere LOVE me.  They always have. 

Knowing this, I began to second guess my trip.  Even though it has been obvious that God has put it all together.  Everything has fallen into place perfectly and I am supposed to be there.  But who wants to get sick?  Right?

It's only a virus.  Lasts for 3 - 7 days at the most.  It's not fatal.  There could be long term joint pain for people over the age of 45.  I'm 43 in July.  Does that include me?

Wow - God is not telling me I'm going to die if I go on this trip  - just risk getting a nasty virus.  And yet I second guessed myself.  No matter what He is asking - I need to be obedient.

I had such an overwhelming peace when I went to Haiti the very first time.  And that was really walking into the unknown.  I have a peace and a confidence now - I just have a little more knowledge of what is going to happen.

Maybe knowledge isn't always so good.  But then again - maybe it is!

This will be my 4th trip to Haiti.  It's becoming "comfortable."  Comfortable in that I can get through the airport okay and I recognize places and things.  Comfortable in that part of my heart feels like it's "home" when I'm there.  It's what I'm supposed to be doing.  Comfortable with Shelley and the artisans that are becoming more than just acquaintances.  Even comfortable with the language difference.  All of these are good things.

Then there are the not so good.  Comfortable in that I forget about the dangers and the risks.  Think that I am somehow immune to them.  Comfortable in that I become self sufficient.  Ouch.  That's it right there - that's what hit me.  That was my "aha" moment.

Self Sufficient.

I never want to travel into Haiti self sufficient.  Confident in my calling - yes.  Self sufficient - no! Truth is - I can do all the immunizations I want - take all the precautions I think necessary but most things are completely out of my control.  Mosquitoes are not in my control.

There is nothing in Haiti that I can control.  Each and every trip that I take is orchestrated by God and has a purpose.  It always leads to the next thing.  I have made myself available to Him.  And with that comes risks.  Comes dying to myself.  Comes the willingness to be UN-Comfortable. 

I never want it to be so comfortable that I forget to pray.  That it no longer stretches my faith.  I want it to ALWAYS cause me to look to Him for protection, guidance, wisdom, discernment - peace.

This has NEVER been about me and I don't want it to start now.

So thankful for God's forgiveness and grace.  He knows my heart - knows I am human - knows my thoughts and my fears.  He could make me comfortable all the time - but I would never grow.

I don't want that at all.

It is out of our comfort zones that God does some of His best work.  Because we have no one to rely on but Him.  That's exactly where I want to be.

Funny it took a silly sounding virus to remind me of all of this and I haven't even come down with it yet.  Maybe I won't.  But - whatever Lord.  Your calling on my life - the artisans and their sweet babies - are more important than rather or not I'm comfortable!







Pray for me as I travel.  As always - that God's Will will be done in my life and in the lives that I connect with.  Keep checking back - I'll be blogging!!!!!

Until next time.....

Won't You Pray With Us?

We returned from Haiti and entered a whirlwind of activities.  The first being Easter Sunday.  I was
so thankful that we were heading to Russell's parents for our annual Easter dinner after church that day.  We were exhausted and I was thankful I didn't have to worry about cooking.

It was during lunch, after the kids left the table, that Helen let us know that she was having a biopsy done.  She had found a lump in her breast and the Doctor was concerned. 

Cancer is never an easy word to hear.  I don't care who you are.  It brings so many emotions all at once.  Breast cancer for Russell's family - well, it's a little more intimidating.  Russ has several cousins who have had it and have done great.  But, both Helen's sister and daughter (Belinda) have died from it.

We said nothing to the kids, especially since Jarod remembers his Aunt Beau (that's what the kids called her) and plugged away.  I have been so thankful to have the Apparent Project Booth at the fair to keep me busy.  Last Wednesday, while setting up, she went in for her biopsy.  The Doctor was honest and let her know that he was still concerned but she could come in the following week for the results.

That was today.   She went for her appointment and was told that yes, it is cancer.  The doctor seems very optimistic.  The specialists will gather now and set up a treatment plan.  She returns on April 24 to find out the best treatment for her situation.  We will know more then.

Russ is in North Carolina for a conference this week.  We chatted on the phone tonight - he is very positive about it.  We decided to go ahead and tell the kids as many of you are praying and we didn't want them to find out from someone else by accident.  Both took it well - they had lots of questions and I answered them the best that I could.  We had a special prayer time for Nana this evening.  I am praying for peace and healing - but also that God would allow my kids to really see Him in all of this.

I am so thankful for Helen.  For the wonderful mother-in-law that she is and for the way that she
loves my kids.  She's an awesome Nana to them and such a huge help to me.  I say it all the time but I could NOT have asked for better in-laws.  They have loved me - my family - well.

This hasn't surprised our Heavenly Father at all and He will use it to bring us closer to Him and to each other.  It's been more than 10 years since we walked this path - I pray that our faith will continue to grow and we will all see His love and power in new ways.  That we won't miss a thing that He has for us to learn.  There is always a reason that He allows suffering to enter our lives - may we all walk through it trusting that He is in complete control and knowing that He loves us more than we can comprehend.


Won't you pray with us?