Growing Pains

Parenting is hard.

I mean, really hard.

When they are young, you are tired.  You are watching them closely.  Guiding, directing.  You have the constant responsibility of making sure they are fed, had enough sleep.  That they are polite to others and learn to share their toys.  You answer a million questions a day.  All the "whys".

There were days that I swore if I heard "Mommy" one more time - I would change my name or even run away!

It's so much easier to blog when they are younger.  They do so many cute things to make up for the crazy and everyone relates to you.  It's not so easy when they are older.

Now there is this fear that you are sharing too much - embarrassing them.  Putting things out there that they may not like becoming public knowledge.  And maybe you don't either because you feel like you blew it in the parenting department.  It makes it so much harder to write about.


As we are in the middle of the teenage years - and the beginning of High School - there are so many things that I could talk about but don't.  Those bone-headed things that teenagers do - and our boneheaded reactions.  When will I ever learn to respond rather then react?????

In the beginning I was holding tight - now  I'm letting go.  This stage is by far - the hardest.

Seriously.

It involves more faith and trust than I often feel that I have.

I've been here a lot lately - thus the fact that my last blog entry was from July!

This stage also involves so much more prayer.  Well - not that I didn't pray a lot before but I guess I felt like, because they were still so little, I had more control.  And I guess I did to some degree.

Now my prayer life consists of a lot more begging and pleading.  Asking God to give me the strength to let go and trust him with my son - AND asking Him to protect and guide him since I am no longer with him 24/7.  He is becoming his own person with his own thoughts and opinions.

The things that I see in him involve the heart.  And unfortunately, often it is easy to focus on the negative.  The things that you know need to change - but that change can only come from God working in his heart.  Not his mom giving him a lecture.

For the past several months, I have been really praying that God would draw him in.  And that he would grow his faith.  This is probably one of the most scariest prayers because I look back on my own life and I know that my faith grew/grows the most in trials and difficulties.  No one wants to watch their child go through difficulties. We want to protect them from them.  But - is that really helping them? 

Jarod was handed a huge blow this week.  I won't go into details in order to keep his privacy and because this involved another family and I don't want to distract from their great loss.  But I will say that I knew immediately that this was part of what I had been praying for.  I also learned that this wasn't just about Jarod's faith growing - but mine as well. 

As I sat many times crying with him this week, I just continued praying that God would use this in his life.  

I watched him grieve - but I also watched him stand tall and do the difficult things that he never had to do before.  I heard from others how Jarod had affected them positively and the impact he made.  I learned what an encourager he is to his friends and I could see how God has been using him.  I watched how he would analyze a situation before getting involved.  How he had the wisdom to speak up or stay quiet when needed.

He handled this with such strength and maturity for a 15 year old.  As I watched, I could see God working.  I could see God using him.  I could see God growing him.  I could see God answering my prayers and for a brief moment - letting go didn't seem so scary.

When Jarod was entering Pre-K and I was scared out of my mind - (Pre-K - ugh!  I knew NOTHING! LOL)  God spoke to my heart and said, "Cami, trust me with him.  The things I am allowing for him (good AND bad) are so he will become the man I need him to be later."

I go back to that nugget constantly as I pray that I can completely trust God with my son.  Knowing that no matter what comes his way - it has a greater purpose.  And God loves him far more than I ever can - and that is impossible for this mother to grasp.

Today - I am so proud of this guy - and the young man that he is becoming.  And I am thankful for a God that is full of grace and mercy.  That doesn't give up on me when I fail as a parent.  And who has a purpose and a calling for my son.

Big Lessons in Little Air Conditioners

It's been an interesting few days.  Russ and Jarod are out of town on a Youth Retreat and they took my van.  I've been driving around town in his car and of course, the day before he left, his A/C went out.  I mean out.  Nothing but HOT air!

I had to run errands yesterday and found myself with a short fuse and a grumpy attitude.  I was angry because I had to drive around town with no air conditioning in my car - in July!

Really?

God quickly reminded me of my friends in Haiti.  A/C is a complete luxury - even for the wealthier living there.  Electricity is so expensive and they are lucky if it even comes on part of the day.  The rest of the time, everything is run on batteries and an A/C pulls too much energy for that.  When the batteries die, you go to generator power and diesel is high priced as well.  Of course, the Haitians living in the villages, don't have electricity at all.

When I am in Haiti - the heat doesn't bother me so much.  I will say that I haven't been there during their hottest months but, yes - it's hot.  It's like July/August in Florida all year 'round.  This last time, I purposely wore long sleeved shirts and long pants the entire time, trying to protect myself from mosquitoes and the ChikV.  If the city power comes on at night, I do have A/C in my bedroom at the Guesthouse.  But the rest of the time, I just sweat glisten.

I spent an hour and a half sitting in this traffic in Haiti.  With no A/C - and I didn't get upset.  Because this kind of stuff is considered normal there.  If this happened here - I would have been on my phone - complaining to my closest friends about this nastiness!

So I had to ask myself - why can I spend a whole week without the luxury of A/C in Haiti and have a perfectly fine attitude about it but here in the U.S., I get angry because I have to drive around in a hot car?  We don't even have the dirt and dust here to contend with when the windows are rolled down.  Ok - so I did get behind a livestock truck on the interstate yesterday.  Being on the backside of several cows going down the highway at 65 is not pleasant.  But still - only temporary.  I was coming home to a completely cool and comfortable house.

I have to tell you - I did not like my answer.  What a dose of perspective.

There is something about going to Haiti.  You know it's going to be hard.  It's going to be hot.  That's just the way that it is and there is nothing you can do to change it.  And when you look around at the artisans and their homes.  How little they have and yet how content they are to simply have a sturdy shelter and food.  Being hot is the least of my concerns.  It's hard to be grumpy when people around you are in much worse conditions.


What it really boils down to is choice.  I choose not to complain or be angry.  I choose to accept it for what it is.  That choice is made before I even step foot off the plane and I don't really think about it again.  I go there knowing I will be "sacrificing" for the week and I just deal. 

I guess I can say the same thing about why I get angry here.

It's a choice.


I hate what that means. 

I hate what that looks like.

A mirror is held up and I have this ugly attitude of entitlement staring back at me.  I am inconvenienced.  I have to be hot.  I have to roll the windows down.  I NEVER roll the windows down.  I don't like the noise of other cars. I don't like how loud everything is.  I can't hear the radio.   I have to call the mechanic and take the car in.  I have so many other things to do with my time AND my money!  Who knows how much this will cost!  A/C repairs are NOT what I want to spend my money on.  Did I mention that I am hot?  I am sweaty.  I will not smell very nice when I arrive at my destination.

What a big, entitled, selfish, brat.

Now I am heart broken.

I've always been thankful that I live in America.  But sometimes, I wonder if it is a bigger curse than it is a blessing.  Many no longer understand what it is like to sacrifice - nor or we willing to learn. Everything is right at our fingertips.  We really do have more money than we know what to do with - or at least more "things."  What most people don't realize is that America really is the minority when it comes to the rest of the world and their living conditions.  Living in our culture only makes us crave more and more and more.  We are never content.  Always wanting the next thing.  And we want it NOW.  And when things don't go exactly as we think they should, and we are  inconvenienced - we throw temper tantrums.

What it boils down to is choice.  We can choose to make the most of the situation God has given us - no matter what happens.  Knowing that everything that comes our way passes through His hands first and has a purpose.   If we truly believe that then aren't our complaints really directed at Him?  How sinful and presumptuous is that? 

He sent me to Haiti.  Four times.  Without A/C.  I chose to deal.  I chose to ignore my lack of "comfort" and focus on those around me.

He sent me down Blanding Blvd yesterday.  Without A/C.  I chose to only see me.  I chose to focus on my comfort and ignore everything else around me.

I pray that He will continue to break my heart.  That He will empty it of "me" so that He can shine through more and more. That I will really see others around me everywhere I go - not just in Haiti.  That He will always increase and I decrease.  I pray that I will always be teachable.  Willing to look in the mirror and see the ugly thoughts, opinions and attitudes that need broken down and built back up by Him.

I am so thankful for big lessons in little air conditioners.  And for His constant grace and mercy on my life when I fail.

Until next time........

Another Adventure

I sit here tonight, flying thousands of feet above the ground, chasing the sunset west towards Washington and an Apparent Project Board Meeting - pondering what lies ahead.  It’s always an adventure – always a bit of a glorious mystery – always a feeling of purpose.  Things always fall into place for the next step in my “journey.”   This one is no exception.

As I watch the clouds and wonder what is ahead of me for the next 10 days – I can’t help thinking about who I left behind.

I am so thankful for my husband.  Thankful for his love and his support that allows me to be obedient to what God has called me to do.  I’ve traveled a lot in the last three years.  I would not have even contemplated all this when the kids were younger.  Now that they are older and more independent,  I am able to be away for days at a time but there is still so much to do to keep our home running smoothly and  keep  everyone on schedule.

Especially with all that pulls at Russell’s attention. 

Being a Pastor can be quite demanding at times and often pulls him in several different directions.  One phone call can change everything.  We learn to be flexible – go with the flow – whatever and however God directs for that day.  We are a good team and we make it work.   Adding my extra work to his can seem overwhelming.  You just can’t be two places at once.  Fortunately this time, the kids only have 2 ½ days of school left so the craziness won’t last the entire time I’m gone.  One thing is for sure though – he may feel overwhelmed at times, but he does a great job!  I can leave knowing that everything will be taken care of and it will be done well!  It may be a mad dash to pick up before I get home – but it will be clean when I get there and no one will have been lost in the process.  He’s awesome like that.

Thank you Russell, for supporting me in my journey.  For stepping up and for sending me off.  For being willing to take up the slack and to also be stretched yourself.   You are my love, my best friend and my hero!  You awesome!  I'll be home before you know it!!!!

  

Chikungunya and Faith

Two weeks from today I will be sitting in Haiti again.  I'm really excited to be returning so soon.  I am traveling by way of Lacey, WA (Seattle area).  I know - long way around but we are having a  Board Meeting and we want to be able to sit and really communicate in person instead of via conference call.

So, on May 31, I will fly to Seattle for the Board Meeting and will be there until late Tuesday night.  Then I will take an overnight flight and arrive in Haiti on Wed, June 4.  Joyce and her daughter, Erin from my church (both run Daycare Centers) will join me on Thursday and we will spend the week helping to work out details at the new Apparent Project Daycare Center.  Soooo very excited about this.  Joyce is going to focus on administration, scheduling, etc. and Erin will be training the Nannies in infant CPR, first aid, etc.  It will have been running for a month when we get there and they will observe and see how things can be tweaked and improved.  We are already seeing such a great improvement in the health of the babies that are being cared for.  Having healthy food and stimulating play is so good for them!

The biggest concern that we have right now is the Chikungunya virus that has hit Haiti.  It is spreading rapidly through the country via mosquito.  It's incubation period is 3 - 7 days so you don't know that you have it.  A mosquito bites you and then goes on to the next person and gives it to them.  Last week, a third of the artisans were down with it - including Shelley.  It leaves you with a very itchy rash all over your body, high fever and severe joint pain.  There is no inoculation for it and no cure.  Just Tylenol to keep the fever down and lots of rest.  The good thing is that once you have had it - you are immune to future attacks.  It came into the Dominican Republic via Asia and Africa at the beginning of the year and is spreading quickly across the entire island.  It came into Port au Prince about a month ago.  It is not typically fatal but is most dangerous to the babies and elderly.

I tell you all of that to ask you to pray.

I'm having a hard time putting my feelings about this into words.  There is always a risk of "something" when traveling into Haiti.  It is a third world country after all.  I've had all my immunizations - Hepatitis A, Typhoid, I've taken the malaria meds.  No matter what I do - I always wind up with a touch of some kind of stomach bug when I go.  But having taken "precautions" I've never worried much because my risk is low.

It's funny how you become a little more apprehensive when the risk becomes high.  There is most likely a 95% chance that I will catch this virus while I am there.  I'm planning on covering up as much as possible and wearing lots of repellant - mosquitoes everywhere LOVE me.  They always have. 

Knowing this, I began to second guess my trip.  Even though it has been obvious that God has put it all together.  Everything has fallen into place perfectly and I am supposed to be there.  But who wants to get sick?  Right?

It's only a virus.  Lasts for 3 - 7 days at the most.  It's not fatal.  There could be long term joint pain for people over the age of 45.  I'm 43 in July.  Does that include me?

Wow - God is not telling me I'm going to die if I go on this trip  - just risk getting a nasty virus.  And yet I second guessed myself.  No matter what He is asking - I need to be obedient.

I had such an overwhelming peace when I went to Haiti the very first time.  And that was really walking into the unknown.  I have a peace and a confidence now - I just have a little more knowledge of what is going to happen.

Maybe knowledge isn't always so good.  But then again - maybe it is!

This will be my 4th trip to Haiti.  It's becoming "comfortable."  Comfortable in that I can get through the airport okay and I recognize places and things.  Comfortable in that part of my heart feels like it's "home" when I'm there.  It's what I'm supposed to be doing.  Comfortable with Shelley and the artisans that are becoming more than just acquaintances.  Even comfortable with the language difference.  All of these are good things.

Then there are the not so good.  Comfortable in that I forget about the dangers and the risks.  Think that I am somehow immune to them.  Comfortable in that I become self sufficient.  Ouch.  That's it right there - that's what hit me.  That was my "aha" moment.

Self Sufficient.

I never want to travel into Haiti self sufficient.  Confident in my calling - yes.  Self sufficient - no! Truth is - I can do all the immunizations I want - take all the precautions I think necessary but most things are completely out of my control.  Mosquitoes are not in my control.

There is nothing in Haiti that I can control.  Each and every trip that I take is orchestrated by God and has a purpose.  It always leads to the next thing.  I have made myself available to Him.  And with that comes risks.  Comes dying to myself.  Comes the willingness to be UN-Comfortable. 

I never want it to be so comfortable that I forget to pray.  That it no longer stretches my faith.  I want it to ALWAYS cause me to look to Him for protection, guidance, wisdom, discernment - peace.

This has NEVER been about me and I don't want it to start now.

So thankful for God's forgiveness and grace.  He knows my heart - knows I am human - knows my thoughts and my fears.  He could make me comfortable all the time - but I would never grow.

I don't want that at all.

It is out of our comfort zones that God does some of His best work.  Because we have no one to rely on but Him.  That's exactly where I want to be.

Funny it took a silly sounding virus to remind me of all of this and I haven't even come down with it yet.  Maybe I won't.  But - whatever Lord.  Your calling on my life - the artisans and their sweet babies - are more important than rather or not I'm comfortable!







Pray for me as I travel.  As always - that God's Will will be done in my life and in the lives that I connect with.  Keep checking back - I'll be blogging!!!!!

Until next time.....

Prayers Answered - Clear Signs Pointing the Way

I've been home from Haiti for almost three weeks.  Time sure does fly by.  I came home and immediately plugged back into my normal routine and in less than 24 hours was sick.  I thought that I had escaped it this trip.  Seems I get a touch of something every time I go.  I will admit that it's much nicer being sick at home then there.  I'm always so afraid I will miss something if I'm sick in Haiti.

I recovered quickly and got back into our craziness.  Running kids to school, dance, guitar.  It is wedding season, so I've been writing a lot.  Trying to keep up with our regular schedule.  It has not left me a whole lot of time to process.  Although I will admit that the processing is different than it used to be.  I have learned so very much in the last three years.  About Haiti.  About aid.  About job creation.  About myself.

I look at the world so differently now.  And yet, I know I still have so far to go.

I think the thing that excites me the most is how I can look back over the past three years and see how each and everything thing that I have done concerning Apparent Project has been a stepping stone to the next thing.  If I would have known then what I know now about how much I would be involved and all that I was responsible for, I wouldn't have believed it.  I may have even ran.

It's gotten to where every time something new comes up, I just say, "Okay Lord, I'm yours - teach me what I need to know because I'm excited to see what this is going to lead to."  And then,  as time goes on and something new comes up again, I can look back and see how it all fits.

The question I ask is 'Why would anyone NOT want to be doing exactly what God has for them?'  This has been such an amazingly exciting journey for me.  To KNOW that I'm exactly where God wants me and to literally SEE the how and the why.  Oh, don't get me wrong, at times it has been overwhelming and I have felt very unqualified.  But, I'm not supposed to be qualified.  I am just supposed to be obedient.  I am just supposed to trust.  And it's those times that I see God work the most.

Apart from being mom, wife, pastor's wife, calligrapher - God has given me another important job.  He has been pouring into me for the last three years and I've known that I am supposed to share what I've been learning.  And I do that - in my blog and when I speak at churches and community groups.  But some new platforms are emerging and I'm so excited about them.

Remember how I asked you to pray about clear signs? Well, I've had a few answers to those prayers and I wanted to share them with you.

First of all, I am now the "Social Media Specialist" for both Market Haiti and Apparent Project.  Fancy title, huh? 

Market Haiti is the online 'store' for Apparent Project and other artisan goods from Haiti.  You can go online and purchase directly from them if you are not able to host a jewelry party.  It is operated out of Apparent Project's warehouse by Shelley's mom, Marilyn.  You can get several things through this website that won't come in an Apparent Project party box.  She purchases from other artisan groups in Haiti so there are several unique items not made by Apparent Project as well.  I encourage you to check it out.

Basically, I manage the Market Haiti Facebook page, the blog and any other social media stuff that helps get the word out there.

The other opportunity that I have is contributing to the Apparent Project Facebook page.  While Shelley still posts pictures and daily happenings from Haiti, I get to post from the U.S. talking about party boxes, shipping cereal boxes, fundraiser items, etc.  I will also be able to contribute to the blog from time to time and do some other marketing via email, twitter, etc.

I'm especially excited about these things because it gives me a regular platform to share about Apparent Project.  I hope to do some blog posts about the artisans as well. 

Besides being the "Social Media Specialist," there is another huge project in the works.  I cannot share all the details just yet but I am excited to say that it will mean traveling to Haiti more often and being able to regularly share all that God has taught me in the last three years.  Again - I am amazed at God's grace and provision.  I've known that the things that I have been learning are huge and they are not for me to keep to myself.  God has been pouring into my life and now I get to continue to pour into others.  It's overwhelming, scary and exciting all at the same time.  But that's the way this whole journey has been.

As soon as I can, I will give you all the details.  Who knows - maybe you will even get to be involved. 

For now, continue to pray for me as God organizes my time to make all these things work.  Continue to pray for the Board as we move forward into 2014.  We have some really exciting opportunities unfolding.  God is so good.  This ministry was born in His heart and it continues to grow and change for the better.  We have only just begun - I CANNOT wait to see what this will look like in the future and how lives will be changed.  The cool thing is - it's not just about the Haitians.  He's changing us too.  This is kingdom work and it's HUGE!

Until next time......

How Are You Investing?

My husband was at a gathering recently where they were discussing different ideas for mission opportunities.  Russell brought up Haiti and our work with Apparent Project.  His involvement in the conversation was quickly shot down with "I think people/churches are kind of "over" Haiti."

Wait - what?

Really?????

Now, obviously I know this is NOT true.  Churches and medical teams are taking groups to Haiti all the time.  There are thousands of people that are still all about Haiti and trying to help the people there.  All I have to do is tell the story behind Apparent Project and what it's doing in the lives of the 250 Haitians employed there and I instantly have people collecting cereal boxes and  buying jewelry.  $75,000 worth in 3 years.  That's not being "over" Haiti.

And honestly, this person has not offended me in any way.  I know what my calling is and where my heart is and I'm firm in that.

So, why do I keep mulling it over and over?

I think it was just the flippant attitude in which the statement was delivered.  It's not just about Haiti.  I think it would be appalling if any other country or cause was put in that statement.

"I think people/churches are "over" Uganda."

"I think people/churches are "over" the Middle East, or Guatemala, or AIDS, or the homeless, or the poor, or maternal health, or sex-trafficking, or........

"I think people/churches are "over" the lost."

See?  It just doesn't sit right.  At what point do we have the right to get "over" any of it?

Obviously, one person or group of people cannot take on all of the items listed above.  You would be spread too thin and nothing would be accomplished.  But I do believe that God has put each of us here for a purpose.  And I also believe that our purposes change over time.

There were specific periods in my life where I could not focus on anything beyond caring for my young children or my dying mother or ministering to a group of teenagers through puppets.  Those seasons are over now but that doesn't mean that I no longer love my kids or I don't have compassion and a deep understanding for a family going through a terminal illness.  That doesn't mean I am "over" teenagers.  Ok - maybe that's our exception. I have one in the house now, ya know?  Ha!  No - seriously........

Each new season - each God assignment - is meant to grow us.  To grow our faith and prepare us for the next thing.  Why should missions look any different?

As Russ continued to sit there, each member of the meeting went around and mentioned different countries/causes that they were involved in.  The problem comes in when we begin to think that our "cause" is better than someone elses.  Or we become insecure and think that someone is doing something better or greater than we are. 

Why is it so easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to others?  We do it all the time.

Okay - so maybe this person was just saying that because of the earthquake, we poured our resources into Haiti for the past four years and people are looking for someplace else to minister to now.  I get that, I guess.

But then I have to ask the hard question - what were you doing with your resources?  How were you investing them?  Are you TRULY investing or just doing what is easy?

It's easy to put our money, etc into the latest and greatest way of "helping."  You can fill a bucket of food to send to Haiti but did you know that there are thousands of buckets filled with food that are sitting in warehouses to this day?  They never made it to the Haitian people who needed it.  Did you know that often when you send food to a needy country, you are causing the local farmers to go out of business and thus creating more poverty and need?  Why buy local food when you can get it for free?

So often we do what is "easy."  Filling a bucket or a shoebox. Sending money to an orphanage or using a week of vacation to go and love on them for a few days.  Then we pat ourselves on the back and feel good about what we have done.  No wonder it's easy to go from one thing to another.  We get bored because we don't really see a change.  The "helping" we are doing - isn't really helping.  Not LONG term.

If we are honest with ourselves, we will admit that we haven't really invested.  Investing would mean doing the harder thing.  It would mean researching the country and culture and seeing what would work as a long term solution.  It would mean more legwork - more homework.  It would mean giving more of our time and resources.  It would mean finding out why those children are in the orphanage to begin with.  Do they have parents that love them?  What will come of them when they turn 18?  What are the long term affects of them being in institutionalized care?  If they have parents, how can we help them so they can be a family again?

If you are sending money - do you know exactly where it's going?  How long will it take to get there?  Is it enabling an ongoing issue or is it truly solving a problem and then helping to invest in the future?  Are you hurting the economy long term or helping to stimulate it?  Are you creating dignity or are your gifts devaluing people?

See?  Hard - Messy - Heart stuff.  Sounds scary, huh?  But it doesn't have to be.  Find those organizations that are already answering these questions and invest there.

But, this isn't just about a specific country or people group.  This is about YOUR calling.  YOUR God assignment for right now.  For this specific time in your life.  What does that look like for you?

Maybe your a new mom.
Maybe you are called to be a Foster Parent.
Maybe you are called to Haiti.  To Uganda.  To the Homeless.  Maybe you are to help fight against sex-trafficking or abortion.  Maybe you are a teacher. 

Whatever it looks like for you, know this - You are to do it with excellence.

Stand in it.  Be confident in it.  God has called you to it - right now.  It doesn't matter what everyone else is doing.  This is YOUR journey.  YOUR assignment.

But, whatever it is that God has called you to invest in right now  -  INVEST in it.

Do your research.  Do your homework.  Be teachable.  Be willing to look at what you are supporting and see if you are doing it the very best way.  And if not - ask God to show you how to change it.  Don't just assume because everyone is doing it - that it's being done right.  Compare it to God's word - Ask the hard questions.

Be willing to stick around and be obedient even when it doesn't look like you thought it would or even like you think it should.

Be willing to have those life altering "Aha" moments!

Be willing to get dirty - to deal with the heart.

Because I guarantee that once you invest on a heart level, you allow God to use it to change you, and the people around you - you will NEVER get "over" it.

Our Christmas Blessings

In late 2010, God began really working in my heart and life concerning how we did Christmas.  It was a long and difficult journey for me and if I was honest, I would say that it still is.  Although it led to my amazing assignment with Apparent Project, there has still been some difficult struggles. After being exposed to Haiti and extreme poverty, I'm just so much more conscious of how and what we spend at Christmas time - and throughout the year for that matter.  But, it is still so difficult.  Needs vs. wants - it's a constant battle in our consumer driven culture.

I think it's worse at Christmas time because of expectations.  Like most people, we live on a tight budget.  We came into fall with a fair amount in savings and a car repair took ALL of it.  So thankful that we had it in savings, but it took away all freedom as we came into Christmas.  As the holiday approached, I once again, found myself angry and frustrated.  So many things that I wanted to do for people and no funds to do it with.  I wound up being on a big emotional roller coaster, just wanting to skip Christmas all together.

In the beginning of this journey, in 2010, I read this in a blog written by a facebbook friend who lives in Haiti:  "I find great inspiration in the simple, dingy, gritty, humble celebrations of those who struggle and toil without access to our unstained images of Christmas. I long for their stripped down total dependence on God. I pray for spiritual wealth like that of the materially poor. I want their depth. I want their undying hope. I want a Christmas less like Oprah’s and more like theirs."   That's hard stuff!

This was re-posted again this year (You can read the entire post here) and I was reminded about how it had affected me three years ago.  I remember praying about that.  Longing for their "stripped down total dependence on God."  Praying for "spiritual wealth like that of the materially poor."   But did I really know what that meant?  Was I really willing to go through what it would take to get me there?

We experienced this when we were on staff with Crusade.  We depended on God for EVERY penny.  Now that regular paychecks come in every other week, it's easy to become more relaxed in the financial area. So I've come to realize that He still keeps us financially dependent in some areas.  And it always seems to happen to us at Christmas time. 

EVERY YEAR!!!  

I'm starting to see a pattern.  Seriously!!!!  

No matter what we save, how we plan - it gets stripped away every year and we are left wondering how we are going to pull Christmas off.  We've cut back tremendously.  Russ and I haven't purchased for each other in years.  Instead of things - we focus anything extra into getting away as a family.  Relationships and memories are more important to us than "stuff."  But, we still want to get a few things for the kids and recognize other friends and family members with a little something as well.  And every year, I wind up angry and frustrated because it doesn't seem like we can even do that.

So when I put all this together, I realized that I was angry with God for trying to answer my prayers from three years ago.  I prayed to be dependent on Him - to gain that spiritual wealth.  But each year when He attempts to draw me in -  to rely on Him and Him alone, I get really angry.  And grumpy.  And downright Scrooge like.  It's NOT pretty!  Ask my husband - and my closest friends who get to hear me complain.

But - EVERY year - in His grace - He provides anyway.  He lets me gripe and complain and whine and cry and be a big old baby about the whole thing and He still steps in and takes care of my desires. Especially when my desires/worries don't even compare to the concerns of the majority of the rest of the world. You would think that I would learn by now.  His provision always blindsides me.  Oh - to just blindly trust with no other thoughts or cares.  To not get caught up in the expectations of others. 

"For He is able to do EXCEEDINGLY ABUNDANTLY above ALL that we ask or imagine..." Eph. 3:20

This year, of course, was no exception.  We wound up with an extra paycheck this month (I was so stressed out, I didn't put that one together!  Gee - I'm a mess)  But things were still going to be tight. We were not even going to get to go away like we usually do.  Everyone was bummed about that.  So the extra paycheck was going to help with the food and gifts - but we would have to be careful.

One of the things that we wanted to do was replace Jarod's basketball goal.  It had been stolen in the Spring and we had not been able to replace it.  I had been praying that the Lord would somehow make it happen.  Jarod had his eye on a nice, new one from Academy but it just was not going to fit into our budget at all.  I got on Craig's list and emailed a few different people - several times.  No one would respond to my inquiries.  I thought that was really weird.  

I finally put a shameless plug out on Facebook - I explained that his had been stolen, we were looking to replace it and asked if there was anyone out there willing to sell theirs or if they knew of someone who was.   Almost instantly I had a private message from a friend, willing to sell theirs.  I was so excited!  I drove by their house that afternoon to look at it.  It was in good shape - but it wasn't like the one Jarod had his eye on.  I called Russ and we chatted about it.  Russ suggested we wait and see if anyone else responded to the post.  If not, we would purchase it the next day.  Sounds like a plan.

Then about 6:30 that night I received a private message from another friend, wondering if we had found one yet.  Our conversation went like this - 

Friend - Hey Cami - did you ever find a hoop for Jarod? We have been blessed with some extra money this season, and we'd like to contribute to replacing his hoop. How much would a new one run down there?

Wow - how do you respond to that????

Me -  Wow! A little speechless here. The one he wants is about $$$ new. I did find a used one today (a smaller sized backboard than he wants) for $$.

I mean - when someone says they want to "contribute" you don't know exactly what that means so you give them options.......

Friend -  We'd like to send you (full amount)  so he can get the one he wants. (We've made it our mission to bless pastor's families that we know, and this certainly qualifies!)

Do you guys have a Paypal account? If so, send me the email it's under.

Me -  Oh my goodness! What a blessing! You have no idea. It's been an emotional struggle for me this year. Trusting God to provide. I'm in tears. Thank you so much!!! My paypal address is ........

Friend -  Transfer sent. You should have the funds in your Paypal account shortly.

And stop crying!

Me -  That's just what I do. Lol   They are happy grateful tears!

So once again - God did exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or imagine this year.  He totally blew me away with His provision.  This gift freed us up to be able to surprise Jarod with something very unexpected and still be able to bless others the way we desired to.  So much worry and stress when God had it all planned out. 

Russell went and picked up the basketball goal and hid it at my brother's house.  That night, everyone came over to decorate Christmas cookies and a certain redheaded, 4 year old - who will remain anonymous, just could NOT keep the secret ANY longer! Ha Ha!  The benefit of this was that Jarod got to help Uncle Marc put it together on Christmas Eve.......

                                Soooooo thankful for Uncle Marc!  This was a heavy project!!!!

 

                                                               Finishing touches!

                                                                     Very excited!!!!

                 Of course, there was a brand new basketball under the tree Christmas morning!
Jarod knew we were tight and wasn't expecting this at all.  He was so excited and shocked at the same time.  It was so fun to sit down and tell him the story.  So he could see what God had done.

A special thank you to our friends for not just blessing Jarod with a basketball hoop - but for being obedient to what God had asked you to do.  Sometimes, our obedience has nothing to do with us - it's about someone else.  This time it was about our family - our journey (ok - maybe mostly crabby old me) MY journey in allowing God to continue to make us ME dependent on Him so that our MY faith will grow.  (Even with my kicking and screaming the entire way!)    


Funny - the things He uses to teach us with, huh?  It is so much more to us than just a basketball hoop.  It is about our faith.  It is about trusting God.  He'll do whatever it takes to draw us closer to Him.  I'm so thankful for that.  That is the best gift of all.

Maybe next year I'll have a better attitude!!!!

"And God is Able....."

"And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, 

so that in every way, always having everything you need, 

you may excel in every good work."    

2 Corinthians 9:8

I LOVE this verse. This was part of Russell's sermon yesterday.  I love how God's word comes alive.  You can read a verse for years and then one day it strikes you deep.  Differently than all the other times before.  It parallels so nicely with  Ephesians 3:20, our life verse.  I'm kind of amazed that  it's never caught my attention so deeply before.

For a few weeks, I have been feeling like I am on the verge of something.  God has obviously been working but I couldn't put my finger on anything specific. 

I have been praying about returning to Haiti.  Discussions were floating about a Board Meeting at the Apparent Project House.  When Shelley and I were in New York, we discussed bringing a team back, but the dates we were looking at were already taken.  Nothing else was really working.  I've always had clear direction when it has come to this and it just wasn't clear yet.  I felt like I was continually trying to put a square peg in a round hole.  My mom used to always say - "When in doubt, don't."  So, I waited.

Some very exciting changes are happening with Apparent Project right now - but I'm not at liberty to share all of that just yet.  But these changes have made it clear as to why my taking a team wasn't really feasible right now.  The Board Meeting didn't fruition either but I still knew that I was supposed to go again.  I feel that I represent Apparent Project best when I visit.  Things are growing and changing quickly there. Visiting makes it so I can better answer questions and explain things when speaking to churches and groups. 

I spoke with Shelley about some dates and began looking at flights.  It still had not become clear to me as to how I was going to fund the trip.  Last year, all three of us (Jarod, Russ and I) went with the team so raising support was needed.  Our savings account has been depleted this year because of car repairs.  I was willing to do whatever (letters, using AP's Fund Raising Bracelets and Christmas Ornamants, etc) but wasn't sure yet.  I had not even really mentioned the trip to anyone.  I just continued to pray about it and wait.

A few weeks ago, we had a "Family Gathering" at church.  (Basically a quarterly business meeting) and I got up and gave an update on Apparent Project and all that was happening with our cereal box shipments, the bridge we were collecting for, etc.  I had to break the news that we were not taking a team in the Spring - but would look at it again in 2015.  I BRIEFLY mentioned that I would be going in February and that I would give more details about it at a later date.  (I really did not have anything narrowed down.)

It was never really discussed again.  I continued to pray about it and stayed busy with my Open House preparations this past week.  Last night, completely out of the blue,  we were told that my entire trip would be covered by a family in the church!  Needless to say, all I could do was cry!  Completely and totally overwhelmed by God's grace and provision.  Amazing how I didn't even have time yet to "worry" about all the financial details!  He just took care of it.  The verse above immediately came back to mind.  He has poured his grace out to me, providing all that I need to continue in his work.  And for now, that's my next trip to Haiti. 

One thing that I have learned over and over in the last three years is that everything I do with Apparent Project is the building blocks for the next thing.  Always growing, learning, stretching my faith, moving forward.  I am continually overwhelmed that God has chosen me to be a part of all that he is doing in and through AP - both in Haiti and here in the states.  It is humbling and amazing at the same time.

This really has been a wonderful week!!!  Friday and Saturday was my 3rd Annual Apparent Project Open House.  People came from all over Jacksonville and my house was a buzz!  I moved furniture and completely morphed my house into an Apparent Project store and in two days time, raised just over $4000!  What a huge blessing!!!

Many of the "shoppers" brought cereal boxes that they had been collecting and on Sunday afternoon, several volunteers at church came and help me pack another 29 boxes to ship to Haiti!  All of that in about an hour and 15 minutes!  What a great team!  They are becoming pros!!!!  Putting the new boxes with ones that were previously packed - we have another 43 boxes to ship.

And to top everything off - I received a call this morning that we collected the remaining balance of the bridge yesterday!!!  For details on that - click here!  Goodness!  God is so good!  He truly is "able to make every grace overflow to us, so that in every way, we will have everything we need to excel in His work."  He has proven that over and over this weekend! 

All I can do is weep.  I am overwhelmed again and again by His great love and care for ALL of us.


To Him alone be the glory!!!!!!

So - exciting stuff is happening!  I look forward to filling you in on all that lies ahead.  I KNOW it is going to be good because God is ALL OVER IT!!!!!


Until next time......

"Mom, Can I Text Girls Now?"

I know I said that my next blog post would continue to talk about my trip to New York.  Sorry - putting that on hold for today.  I've been working through some things the last few days and feel the need to "work it out" here.  Funny how my blog becomes therapeutic at times.


Jarod turns 14 on Sunday.  I know, right?  Still wrapping my mind around it.

He is in the 8th Grade and is turning pretty little heads at school.  Last year he was smaller.  His hair was long and shaggy.  He had glasses.

He totally morphed over the summer.  He grew several inches, got contacts, cut off all his hair and his voice is cracking. Suddenly, this young man is living at my house, eating all my food!  It's nuts!

So - this is all normal, right?

Right.

Did I mention the girl part?

I know this is normal too but I will admit that it has struck a bit of fear in me and has even taken me a bit off track.  

He came home this week and asked me if he can text girls.   UGH!  Now I will tell you that he is talking about his friends.  We haven't seen much of the other yet - although I know it will come soon enough.

So - why is he asking this?

Let me back up a bit and explain -

We are "those parents" who did not allow him to have a cell phone until WE needed him to have one.  Entering Jr. High and coming home a few days a week to an empty house (because I'm running Anne to dance, etc.) constituted us needing him to have a phone.  Especially since we did away with the land line to save money.  I think he was one of the LAST ones in his age group to have a phone.  Not even kidding.

He still does not have a Facebook account.  He hovers over mine a lot but we just haven't felt like him having is own is necessary at this point.  So much drama happens via Facebook and teens.  Gosh - I think many adults still need to learn that some things just don't need to be talked about publicly.  So many things to misunderstand.  So many things are lost in translation!  (Body language, facial expressions, tone of voice)  Call me old fashioned, but some things need to be saved for real, live conversation.  Or at least a Private Message.  Throwing a bunch of teens (who are still maturing socially and trying to figure out who they are) into the mix can be dangerous.  Ya - he'll be the odd man out on that one for a little while longer.  Besides - some things are rights of passage.  We want him to appreciate the freedom and the responsibility of it all.

So - all of that being said - we also told Jarod that he was limited to who he could text/talk to. Mostly boys only.  A few girls (that we know) from church.  He's done pretty well at adhering to this rule.  The main reason it was made is because we don't know these girls.  I really am in protection mode.  It only takes one forward girl and a few texts or photos for the entire thing to get out of hand and Jarod be caught up in something that is over his head.

He and I have gone back and forth about this a bit this week.  I even got the "mom, I'm not a kid anymore - I'm 14" speech.

Nice!

I guess 14 is the new magical number.  I thought it was 16 or 18.  Anyway - I digress.....

Then, someone posted this blog on Facebook

FYI (if you're a teenage girl)

I liked it.  I felt like it validated my points.  I even made Jarod read it. (So he would better understand where I'm coming from -- and -- that I'm not the ONLY crazy, protective mom in this world)

Then I got on Facebook this morning and someone wrote this one in response:

Dear Mrs. Hall, Regarding Your “FYI (if you’re a teenage girl)”…

And I will have to admit that some of her points were just as valid.

We may see Facebook pages, posts, photos, etc. but do we really KNOW what's going on with that particular person?  Who are we to make such a blanket statement - shut her completely out - without knowing more.  There is ALWAYS a back story people!  ALWAYS!!!! 

But at the same time, I think we should monitor things like this.  We are allowed to have certain standards in our family.  If a movie or TV show doesn't hold up to certain standards, we don't allow it in our home.  We have control over that.  Why should the computer/Facebook be any different?  Jarod has watched me block people on my account because several of their posts were completely inappropriate.  (not just one - they were given grace)

So - where do I find a balance as a parent?


Then - there was THIS blog -

Seeing a Woman: A conversation between a father and son - See more at: http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/#sthash.96RN0i43.dpuf

Seeing a Woman: A conversation between Father and Son

Oh my!  How perfect!  It's not about my policing these girls.  Shaming them - expecting them to live up to a crazy high standard and not allowing them to fail at some point.  It's not about my locking Jarod in a closet until he's 35 - although I have been very tempted!

It's about my teaching him.  My loving on him.  My modeling a Godly relationship with Russell in front of him.  It's about having those hard conversations.  Being available to listen, correct and not judge or condemn.  It's about trusting God with my son and the people that He brings into Jarod's life - knowing that ALL of it is part of his journey - his life lessons.  It's talking to him about this stuff and praying that he will recognize it for himself as time goes on.  I don't want to be the "morality police."  I can trust the Holy Spirit in his heart for that and then be there to reinforce what his heart is telling him.

Now, I'm not at all saying that I'm throwing up my hands and giving him full freedom.  That would be ridiculous and irresponsible on my part.  He is still 14 - he still needs a mom and a dad to walk with him through all of it.  But he is our focus - not all this external stuff.  His heart - his mind.  His reactions.  His responses.  Our job is to parent HIM - not everyone else.

We will move forward - s-l-o-w-l-y.......

I've known all this and feel confident that we've been doing this all along.  I just needed a bit of a reminder.  There was just something about the words, "Mom, can I text girls now?" that threw me off  a bit.  Go figure.......

He is noticing the new attention he is getting because of his new look.  He's not real impressed.  He told me, "If they only like me because of my new haircut and contacts, and not for me as a person, then they don't have a chance."

***Sigh***

I think we may be on the right track.


Until next time.....