He's Not Finished

Our amazing view tonight!  We were able to take some time away from the city and enjoy one of Haiti's beautiful beaches for the weekend.  Such a great place to unwind, chat, and do some brainstorming.

It seems I have become rather reflective this trip.  I have often found myself pondering the last 4 years.  It's a bit overwhelming.......

So.....

Apparent Project began in the fall of 2009 with 4 women.  Now there are over 300 artisans who have steady employment.  Shelley has a goal to one day employ 1000 people.  I honestly believe that can happen.  Actually - I believe she will go beyond that.

But how?  How do you keep growing?  Keep providing jobs?  Keep the products new and marketable?  Shelley spends a lot of time figuring all of that out.  Trial and error - hit and miss.  Navigating in and around a completely different culture.  Dealing with things that we cannot even begin to imagine.

So how can Apparent Project come along side Shelley and help?  How can we promote the artisans?  How can we help her help them?  We already have the party boxes.  And the fundraisers.

Last year we began the Daycare Center.  Providing a safe place for the most at risk moms to put their children.  We are watching the babies grow and flourish!

We also began API (Apparent Project Institute).  Giving the managers an opportunity to learn English, grammar, typing and other basic computer skills.  Both of these help the artisans to not only grow personally - but strengthen their marketability and make them even better employees.

So - what's next?

What does 2015 look like?

That's one of the reasons that Marilyn and I are here this week.  To see how things are going, how they can be tweaked and what we can do next.  Lots of prayer and conversations happening.  Lot's of "what ifs" and "how abouts...."  Lots of listening to Shelley's heart.  Seeing where she is taking Papillon Enterprises and how we can help her get there.

Such exciting stuff in the works.  It amazes me that each year just gets better and better.  Yes - there are difficulties but growth never happens without pain.  4 employees to 300 doesn't just happen.  It's a God thing.

I am so thankful that I was chosen to be a part of it all.  When I look at the big picture - it's nothing short of mind blowing.  God is a big God and He loves details.  Apparent Project was birthed from God's heart  -  it's His baby.  We are just the vessels He uses to care for it and help it grow.

Four years ago - I was just poking around on the internet wanting my Christmas money to count.  Looking for ways to make a difference with my purchases.  I "stumbled" upon Apparent Project.  I ordered a party box.

My life changed forever.

I am overwhelmed to tears tonight as to where this has brought me.  The places I've been to speak.  The amount of jewelry I have helped sell.  The deep, life long friendships that are being cultivated.   But most of all - the way God has used it to grow my faith and change my perspective on so many things.

I am a different person because of it all.

God had a plan.  I followed.  It's been amazing.

He's not finished.  With me or with AP.


We are seeking His face this week as we move forward.  Won't you pray for us?

I know that whatever it is - it's going to be awesome!


Related Posts:

Day 1:  Sweet Return

Sweet Return

This trip for me only came about 3 weeks ago.  One of my jobs for Apparent Project is to write in the blog and help manage their Facebook page.  I had not been here since last June and was feeling disconnected.  Things grow and change so rapidly here and it's hard to write about it all if you haven't been around for a while.  Marilyn was coming and asked me to join her.  I knew that I needed to come and reconnect with the artisans and all the new things going on here.

So I spent today enjoying all the sights, sounds and smells of all that is Apparent Project and the surrounding community.  Lots of landscape changes as they are paving all the roads in the neighborhood and putting in sidewalks.  So everything looks different.  It doesn't matter though - as soon as I step off the plane, there is a piece of my heart that feels like it is home.  Each time I have come here, God has done amazing things in my heart.  There is a love that I have for this place that cannot be expressed with words.


As I was walking around Apparent Project today, taking lots of photos and seeing all the new additions and changes, I couldn't help but think about the very first time I came here.  How God opened my heart and my mind to the idea of giving people dignity through work.  Shelley only had about 70 artisans then - now they are busting at the seams with more than 300.  

Since my first visit, an entire ceramics/pottery line has been created and just in the last month new jobs were added as more new potters were trained.  A recycled glass production line is under way and beautiful things are coming from there.  The daycare has been created - it was bustling today with 15 babies!  I also got to sit in on the new Apparent Project Institute.  About 23 managers are learning how to type, learning English and Grammar and today I was able to witness the first instructional class in Excel.  Talk about exciting stuff!  So many changes and so many possibilities!

Walking around - seeing so many familiar faces.  Artisans that have been here for years - whose lives
have drastically changed.  Also seeing so many new faces - faces whose lives are beginning to change. There is so much dignity and possibility in this little section of Port-Au-Prince and I am so thankful to be here and be a small part of it.  And the exciting thing is - it's only going to get better!

Things will calm down for the weekend - we are actually going to go to the beach for a few days!  But I look forward to coming back on Monday and interviewing more of the moms and the API students so that I can share their stories with you!

Growing Pains

Parenting is hard.

I mean, really hard.

When they are young, you are tired.  You are watching them closely.  Guiding, directing.  You have the constant responsibility of making sure they are fed, had enough sleep.  That they are polite to others and learn to share their toys.  You answer a million questions a day.  All the "whys".

There were days that I swore if I heard "Mommy" one more time - I would change my name or even run away!

It's so much easier to blog when they are younger.  They do so many cute things to make up for the crazy and everyone relates to you.  It's not so easy when they are older.

Now there is this fear that you are sharing too much - embarrassing them.  Putting things out there that they may not like becoming public knowledge.  And maybe you don't either because you feel like you blew it in the parenting department.  It makes it so much harder to write about.


As we are in the middle of the teenage years - and the beginning of High School - there are so many things that I could talk about but don't.  Those bone-headed things that teenagers do - and our boneheaded reactions.  When will I ever learn to respond rather then react?????

In the beginning I was holding tight - now  I'm letting go.  This stage is by far - the hardest.

Seriously.

It involves more faith and trust than I often feel that I have.

I've been here a lot lately - thus the fact that my last blog entry was from July!

This stage also involves so much more prayer.  Well - not that I didn't pray a lot before but I guess I felt like, because they were still so little, I had more control.  And I guess I did to some degree.

Now my prayer life consists of a lot more begging and pleading.  Asking God to give me the strength to let go and trust him with my son - AND asking Him to protect and guide him since I am no longer with him 24/7.  He is becoming his own person with his own thoughts and opinions.

The things that I see in him involve the heart.  And unfortunately, often it is easy to focus on the negative.  The things that you know need to change - but that change can only come from God working in his heart.  Not his mom giving him a lecture.

For the past several months, I have been really praying that God would draw him in.  And that he would grow his faith.  This is probably one of the most scariest prayers because I look back on my own life and I know that my faith grew/grows the most in trials and difficulties.  No one wants to watch their child go through difficulties. We want to protect them from them.  But - is that really helping them? 

Jarod was handed a huge blow this week.  I won't go into details in order to keep his privacy and because this involved another family and I don't want to distract from their great loss.  But I will say that I knew immediately that this was part of what I had been praying for.  I also learned that this wasn't just about Jarod's faith growing - but mine as well. 

As I sat many times crying with him this week, I just continued praying that God would use this in his life.  

I watched him grieve - but I also watched him stand tall and do the difficult things that he never had to do before.  I heard from others how Jarod had affected them positively and the impact he made.  I learned what an encourager he is to his friends and I could see how God has been using him.  I watched how he would analyze a situation before getting involved.  How he had the wisdom to speak up or stay quiet when needed.

He handled this with such strength and maturity for a 15 year old.  As I watched, I could see God working.  I could see God using him.  I could see God growing him.  I could see God answering my prayers and for a brief moment - letting go didn't seem so scary.

When Jarod was entering Pre-K and I was scared out of my mind - (Pre-K - ugh!  I knew NOTHING! LOL)  God spoke to my heart and said, "Cami, trust me with him.  The things I am allowing for him (good AND bad) are so he will become the man I need him to be later."

I go back to that nugget constantly as I pray that I can completely trust God with my son.  Knowing that no matter what comes his way - it has a greater purpose.  And God loves him far more than I ever can - and that is impossible for this mother to grasp.

Today - I am so proud of this guy - and the young man that he is becoming.  And I am thankful for a God that is full of grace and mercy.  That doesn't give up on me when I fail as a parent.  And who has a purpose and a calling for my son.

Today We Celebrate You, Russell!

Tweaked and re-posted because I felt it needed repeated!  :-)

Today is that special day when we celebrate  Russell!  46 years ago, he came into this world with a passion and a purpose that has never stopped.  I'm told how his enthusiasm, his sense of humor and his love for our Lord began at a very young age.

How he would stand on the side of the road outside his house, with a Bible in his hand, and "preach" to the cars going by.  How he would carry his tape recorder around recording himself singing and telling jokes and then play them back, annoyingly, for his entire family - over and over AND over.

There are stories of catching the back yard on fire, while attempting to help his dad kill fire ants.  Stories of jumping off the roof with an umbrella like Mary Poppins, to see if it would slow down his fall.  (He says it worked!)  Stories of breaking the stained glass windows in his dad's church with a rock (on accident) and of sneaking off to downtown St. Augustine on his bike while his parents were at work, and being hit by a red tourist train! (Obviously he wasn't seriously injured).

I could go on and on - but I'm sure if you asked him, and got him started, he could tell you so many more.  I hear these stories and I laugh, but I also see how the Lord continues to use all that passion, enthusiasm and creativity in his life and the lives of those he ministers to today.

One thing that many do not know about my sweet husband is that he was born with a cleft pallet and had to have surgery when he was a baby.  Fortunately, it didn't extend to his upper lip, like most do, but did give him a hole in the roof of his mouth and caused a speech impediment which put him through years of speech therapy.  By the time he was nine, he was struggling in school, was tested and the teachers told his parents that they should find a trade school for him because he may not finish High School and he definitely wouldn't make it to college.

When he was 16 and at Youth Camp, he heard God's call on his life to ministry.  He came home, went back to school and asked the principal if he could have a room each morning before school for a Bible Study.  When I first met him, 28 years ago, he was sitting at a table, teaching through the book of John to his peers.  He has been leading ever since.  He finished High School, he not only finished four years of college, but three years of seminary to earn his Master's Degree.  He came back to the Jacksonville area, got his first full time ministry position and pursued me until I finally gave in.  

Oh how thankful I am for this man. I know that he was created just for me.  God creates all of us for a purpose and it's fun to look back over his life and see how everything has prepared him for where he is now.  He loves the Lord, loves his family and he loves the church.  He is kind and sensitive to others and he desires to lead them to a closer walk with Christ.  He is spontaneous, creative and did I mention enthusiastic and passionate?  He is human, he struggles with things like all of us, but he doesn't hide that.  He is real, he is honest and he is a man of great integrity.


I simply could not imagine my life without him!

I admired Russell's qualities long before we were ever serious.  I even told him one night on the phone, in an effort to encourage him, that he was going to make someone a wonderful husband someday.  And I really believed that!  I just had no idea it would be me!  Turns out that I'm the lucky one that got this man and all of his wonderful qualities.

I can't even begin to tell you what I like most about him.  He is everything I ever prayed for and more.  Even before he was born God knew he was my husband.  God has great plans.

Russell - today I celebrate you!

• I am so thankful that your parents were surprised by your presence because God had to add one more to  their family. 

• I'm thankful that you moved to Orange Park and had the passion to start a Bible Study in our High School where you and I would meet.  

• I'm thankful for the 10 years of solid friendship we shared before we ever began dating.  

• I'm thankful that I am that woman that benefits from all of your wonderful qualities. 

• I'm thankful for your passion, your sense of humor, your serious side, your sensitivity, your complexity, your easiness.  

• I'm thankful for you spontaneity, your sense of adventure and your desire to sit at home and do nothing.  

• I'm thankful for your leadership, for your quirks, for the way we can finish each others thoughts. 

• I'm thankful for the way you love people, for your compassion and your mercy. 

• I'm thankful for your doubts and your fears because I know you are real. 

• I'm thankful that you are always three steps ahead of me and are ever so patient while the Lord works in my life to get us back on the same page. 

• I'm thankful for the two beautiful children you have given me and for the way that you love and lead them. 

• I'm thankful that you love our Lord more than you do me because then you love me even better. 

• I'm thankful for your prayers, your faithfulness and your trustworthiness.

• I'm thankful for your restlessness and your desire to just be.

• I'm thankful for your tenderness, your listening ear and your desire to do whatever it takes to provide for us.

I'm just thankful for you.  Everything about you.  You were meant specifically for me.  I know this is your birthday - but many people have been blessed because you were born.  Thing is - I made out the best!


You have continued to use your gifts and talents that the Lord has given you for His glory.  Your desire to serve and obey our Lord is contagious.  You are my love, my husband and my best friend.  Apart from salvation - you are my greatest gift!   I love you more than you know.  Here's to celebrating many more years of "you".......

Happy Birthday, my love!   ~ Me

Big Lessons in Little Air Conditioners

It's been an interesting few days.  Russ and Jarod are out of town on a Youth Retreat and they took my van.  I've been driving around town in his car and of course, the day before he left, his A/C went out.  I mean out.  Nothing but HOT air!

I had to run errands yesterday and found myself with a short fuse and a grumpy attitude.  I was angry because I had to drive around town with no air conditioning in my car - in July!

Really?

God quickly reminded me of my friends in Haiti.  A/C is a complete luxury - even for the wealthier living there.  Electricity is so expensive and they are lucky if it even comes on part of the day.  The rest of the time, everything is run on batteries and an A/C pulls too much energy for that.  When the batteries die, you go to generator power and diesel is high priced as well.  Of course, the Haitians living in the villages, don't have electricity at all.

When I am in Haiti - the heat doesn't bother me so much.  I will say that I haven't been there during their hottest months but, yes - it's hot.  It's like July/August in Florida all year 'round.  This last time, I purposely wore long sleeved shirts and long pants the entire time, trying to protect myself from mosquitoes and the ChikV.  If the city power comes on at night, I do have A/C in my bedroom at the Guesthouse.  But the rest of the time, I just sweat glisten.

I spent an hour and a half sitting in this traffic in Haiti.  With no A/C - and I didn't get upset.  Because this kind of stuff is considered normal there.  If this happened here - I would have been on my phone - complaining to my closest friends about this nastiness!

So I had to ask myself - why can I spend a whole week without the luxury of A/C in Haiti and have a perfectly fine attitude about it but here in the U.S., I get angry because I have to drive around in a hot car?  We don't even have the dirt and dust here to contend with when the windows are rolled down.  Ok - so I did get behind a livestock truck on the interstate yesterday.  Being on the backside of several cows going down the highway at 65 is not pleasant.  But still - only temporary.  I was coming home to a completely cool and comfortable house.

I have to tell you - I did not like my answer.  What a dose of perspective.

There is something about going to Haiti.  You know it's going to be hard.  It's going to be hot.  That's just the way that it is and there is nothing you can do to change it.  And when you look around at the artisans and their homes.  How little they have and yet how content they are to simply have a sturdy shelter and food.  Being hot is the least of my concerns.  It's hard to be grumpy when people around you are in much worse conditions.


What it really boils down to is choice.  I choose not to complain or be angry.  I choose to accept it for what it is.  That choice is made before I even step foot off the plane and I don't really think about it again.  I go there knowing I will be "sacrificing" for the week and I just deal. 

I guess I can say the same thing about why I get angry here.

It's a choice.


I hate what that means. 

I hate what that looks like.

A mirror is held up and I have this ugly attitude of entitlement staring back at me.  I am inconvenienced.  I have to be hot.  I have to roll the windows down.  I NEVER roll the windows down.  I don't like the noise of other cars. I don't like how loud everything is.  I can't hear the radio.   I have to call the mechanic and take the car in.  I have so many other things to do with my time AND my money!  Who knows how much this will cost!  A/C repairs are NOT what I want to spend my money on.  Did I mention that I am hot?  I am sweaty.  I will not smell very nice when I arrive at my destination.

What a big, entitled, selfish, brat.

Now I am heart broken.

I've always been thankful that I live in America.  But sometimes, I wonder if it is a bigger curse than it is a blessing.  Many no longer understand what it is like to sacrifice - nor or we willing to learn. Everything is right at our fingertips.  We really do have more money than we know what to do with - or at least more "things."  What most people don't realize is that America really is the minority when it comes to the rest of the world and their living conditions.  Living in our culture only makes us crave more and more and more.  We are never content.  Always wanting the next thing.  And we want it NOW.  And when things don't go exactly as we think they should, and we are  inconvenienced - we throw temper tantrums.

What it boils down to is choice.  We can choose to make the most of the situation God has given us - no matter what happens.  Knowing that everything that comes our way passes through His hands first and has a purpose.   If we truly believe that then aren't our complaints really directed at Him?  How sinful and presumptuous is that? 

He sent me to Haiti.  Four times.  Without A/C.  I chose to deal.  I chose to ignore my lack of "comfort" and focus on those around me.

He sent me down Blanding Blvd yesterday.  Without A/C.  I chose to only see me.  I chose to focus on my comfort and ignore everything else around me.

I pray that He will continue to break my heart.  That He will empty it of "me" so that He can shine through more and more. That I will really see others around me everywhere I go - not just in Haiti.  That He will always increase and I decrease.  I pray that I will always be teachable.  Willing to look in the mirror and see the ugly thoughts, opinions and attitudes that need broken down and built back up by Him.

I am so thankful for big lessons in little air conditioners.  And for His constant grace and mercy on my life when I fail.

Until next time........

Day 6 - Overwhelmed

I'm going to be honest and upfront and just tell you that today was an overwhelming day for me.  Nothing particularly abnormal (for Haiti) happened today.  I ran a few errands with Marilyn and Z this morning, walked through the artisan house as usual and spent an hour or so with these little people:

Kervens, Wasaida and Sarah

Sarah is in the center - still interviewing moms so haven't learned the others names yet.

How can you not fall in love with these beautiful faces!?!  The thing is - I've been a part of Apparent Project for 3 1/2 years now.  Three and a half years of selling jewelry, telling the story and traveling here to see the artisans at work.  All the while, knowing that I was fighting not only for the artisans - but for these little people.  

Occasionally - I would see a few babies here and there at the artisan house - but somehow, this week, it has struck me deeper than before.  Why?  Because I see these faces.  I mean really SEE them. 

I've been interviewing parents for the Apparent Project Blog and I have watched the moms and dads come in and sit down with their children.  The kids are so happy to see them - so attached to them - and then I finish the interview, take a few family photos and the parents go back to work.  And the babies cry.  You know why????  Because they have a healthy attachment to their PARENTS!!!!

The children in the AP Daycare Center really only represent about 3% of the artisans.  Each one having a different circumstance - these children were most at risk.  They were showing signs of malnutrition and were in trouble.  One mother of twins, now enrolled, had come to Shelley asking her permission to put them in an orphanage because production at AP had been cut back (sales slow way down in the Spring) and her hours had been cut.  She wasn't making enough to support all 4 children and the 13 mo twins were suffering.  

Obviously, Shelley bumped up her work schedule and began the process of starting the Daycare.  An idea that has been floating around for quite a while.  Everything happened very quickly, and a month later, I'm here with Joyce and Erin trying to tweak things and help them run as smoothly as possible.  In a third world country.  Where they don't always trust the white people.  With cultures and customs that we have no clue about.  

What works in America - will not work here.  We have to constantly evaluate every change or "improvement" we are suggesting.  Weigh it against the cultural norm.  We want to improve their lives by giving them basics - food, shelter, clothing, a safe place to be while their parents work.  We don't need to make them into little "Americans."  

So how do you best do that?  How do you decide what is best when you don't live here and you don't completely understand the cultural dynamic?  

Well - first you have a meltdown in your room.  You chat with your hubby via Facebook Messenger and you cry because you feel overwhelmed and completely inadequate.  You wonder why you are here and you desire to just run away and not deal with any of it because it's way to hard.  Then you ask a few close friends to pray for you.  Then you pray for yourself.  Then you sit down and have a conversation with Shelley - who has great knowledge and insight because she lives here day in and day out and has gone through all of this same stuff with her own trial and error.  

Then you don't feel quite so crazy.  You realize that God has placed you here - he's given you the ability to bring in talented people like Erin and Joyce - who are not only willing to teach - but willing to learn.  That is so key!  We cannot just come into Haiti with our ideas and expect them to work.  We have to learn - we have to be educated in the ways - in the culture.  When we understand that better - we will better be able to help.

Joyce and Erin spent the entire day today just playing with the kids - observing schedules, routines, interacting with the nannies and the children.

Funny how bubbles and toys are understood in any language!

Dashka has not spoken to anyone since she started coming to the Daycare a month ago when it opened.  Very shy - she warmed up and played ball with Erin today.  

The ladies just watched, came up with ideas and then sat down and ran things past Shelley tonight.  Trying to figure out what would work - what wouldn't and the best way to implement the things that would.  So proud of these ladies.  They are hanging in there and doing great.   Couldn't say the same for myself today.  Ha!  This is their first time in a third world country and there is so much to process!

All I know is this - these babies are attached to their mommas.  Their mommas need a little extra help.  Apparent Project works hard to keep these families together - so these mommas don't have to make the hard decision of giving up their babies to an orphanage because they are starving.  I have had names and faces of artisans for 3 1/2 years.  Now I have names and faces of these beautiful babies and it just makes me want to fight all the harder to figure our how best to help them without making things worse in the process.  That's a hard line to walk on sometimes.  I must continue to learn - and remember that with this knowledge comes great responsibility. 

Lord - give us your heart.  Give us your wisdom.  Your courage.  Your strength.

How can you help?

Host a jewelry party

Have a fundraiser 

Don't need to raise funds for anything?  Raise funds for the AP Daycare!

Support AP on a monthly basis

AP needs $2400 a month to keep this program going.  Any amount each month will help!

Pray - 

pray for the AP Board, for the Nannies, for the children, for Shelley, for Marilyn, for the artisans - for Haiti.

Until tomorrow.........

Day 5 - Natural Springs and Oil Drums

Day 4 - Change is Happening.  In all of us.

Day 3 - Daycare Training

Day 2 - Joyce and Erin Arrive

Day 1 - THIS is Why We Do All That We Do

Chikungunya and Faith 

Day 5 - Natural Springs and Oil Drums

Sunday - typically the best day to travel in Haiti and get there in a normal amount of time.  Most other days you can get caught in traffic and it take you hours to get somewhere that should only take 20 minutes.  It is getting better in some ways though - I cannot believe the progress of all the paved roads.

Well, we ventured out somewhere new for me today.  So fun!

About an hour east, almost to the Dominican Republic boarder is a group of natural springs.  It's called Sous Zabet.  So lovely!  It's Haiti's version of a National Park.  

The drive took us out into the countryside.  It was so neat to see how the houses change from concrete structures and tents to mud houses with thatch roofs.  Mostly farming communities out in the Province, it really was nice to see everything spread out and more natural.

Once arriving at the springs, just a small hike through the woods - with a cute little self appointed "tour guide"  

Led us to this:

They have worked really hard to build up around it and create a swimming area.  The locals get in for free and can get water and bathe.  

So beautiful - and refreshingly COLD!

Love the little lady in the Santa Hat getting water!  She walked off with a big bucket of water on her head so I guess the Santa Hat helps.  

This little guy was also getting water today

We drew a crowd of onlookers.  Marilyn has a way with the kids and her camera.  They were all striking a pose after a while!

On the way home, we stopped at the Metal Art Market in Croix des Bouquet.  My favorite, next to Apparent Project.  So many unique things all made from 55 gallon oil drums

Erin and Joyce getting the full experience!

There were not a whole lot of artisans hammering today but we did see several tracing their templates on to the flattened oil drum

Or painting their work - beautiful!!!

 And I just had to get this photo of Marilyn negotiating!  She looks angry in the pic - but she really wasn't. Just timing on my part.

Tomorrow it's back to work!  Joyce and Erin will spend the next 2 days in the Daycare.  They will be evaluating both the nannies and the babies and seeing how or if they need to tweak anything to make it better.   Please pray for them as they walk through the next few days.  I know God hand chose them to be here as they are both so good at what they do.  I'm excited to see what lies ahead.

Until tomorrow.........

Day 4 - Change is Happening.  In all of us.

Day 3 - Daycare Training

Day 2 - Joyce and Erin Arrive

Day 1 - THIS is Why We Do All That We Do

Chikungunya and Faith