I've returned to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) this year. Having taken 2 years off from the in depth study and feeling the need to be refreshed by soaking up God's Word, I felt the Lord leading me back. For years I attended the class on the Westside of Jacksonville. I have many friends there and many wonderful relationships. But there is a class that is literally a stone's throw from my house. Silly to drive across town (we do enough of that going to and from the beaches) when one is right around the corner.
I'll be honest and say that I was looking forward to sneaking in, laying low and soaking up the Word without any expectations on me. Many people from the other class know my testimony, know I'm a "Pastor's Wife", knew my mother, etc. I wanted to just hide a bit.
I walked into class last Thursday and within the first Hymn, I was fighting back the tears. I always know that that is the Holy Spirit overflowing inside me and letting me know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I had such a peace as we sang, "Holy, Holy, Holy". My mind went back to my very first year in BSF. I was about 22 years old and I went with my mother to the Women's Evening Class in Mandarin. Mom was so excited that I was going. She had been in BSF since we were little. My brother went through the children's program. Mom going to BSF was just normal for us. Now I was joining her.
My first year was life changing for me. We studied the "Life of Moses" and I learned about the holiness of God. I was hooked! And I've been studying the Bible with BSF ever since. Only taking time off when the kids were born or these past two years as we stepped into a new direction in ministry. So, I say all of that to let you know that with one verse of "Holy, Holy, Holy" I can only say that I felt like I was "home." Even though I was surrounded by
mostly strangers - I did find a half dozen or so women that I do know - I knew I was exactly where I was meant to be in that moment.
I left with my notes and my questions and God has allowed for a sweet quiet time with him every morning this past week. Amazing how much quieter it is when your kids are in school!
BSF is known for its high application questions. Personal questions that make you search deep and be honest with yourself and with others. I was thinking about that all week and for some reason, thinking about my mom how my life and my walk with the Lord changed so drastically during her passing. I realized for the first time that that no longer defines me. Does that make sense? I guess for the longest time I always felt like, "Hi, My name is Cami Franklin and my mom just died." It will be 9 years this December but I realized in the last week that I am no longer that person. The Lord has brought me through it and out of it. Yes, I still have moments where I miss my mom - I always will. But it no longer controls who I am - how I see the world. I am still learning things from it and piecing things together - seeing God's sovereignty - His plan and purpose. It has made me who I am today but I have new areas where God is growing me and stretching me. When you have learned the lessons - God will move you on. Wow. It's been a long road but I feel such freedom.
So, I tell you all of this because today was my first day in my discussion group. BSF divides you up into groups of your peers - no more than 15 women. We discuss the answers to our questions that we worked on all week, get to know each other and share prayer requests. Knowing that I wanted to come in and lay low, I just prayed that the Lord would put me in the right group of women. That I could learn from them and that He would use me in their lives as well.
Well, the Lord answered my prayer in that I didn't know anyone in my group today. During the end when our Discussion Leader is giving out prayer requests, she mentioned that one of the girls asked for prayer for wisdom as she is making decisions concerning her mom and Hospice. I just shook my head. Wow. I looked at the girl - she was young. I wondered what her story was.
I felt compelled to talk to her afterward but how weird is that? We don't know each other. I can't just walk up to a stranger and ask personal questions. I went on to lecture and kept praying about it. Walking up to someone like that is so NOT me. I like to ease into a relationship. But the urgency of it would not go away. Then at the end of the lecture, the Teaching Leader said "We must be obedient in the small things in order to receive the next instructions" and she went on to say that "ALL of our experiences are used for God's purpose for us - to Glorify Him and to minister to others."
I know these things! I say them myself! But God works most when we get out of our comfort zone. Walking up to a stranger and asking personal questions in totally out of my zone.
We prayed and I told the Lord that if I saw her as I was leaving, I would speak to her. So - guess who I saw immediately as I turned around to leave. God definitely has a sense of humor!
Anyway - I approached her and said something of the effect - "I know we just met - sort of - but your prayer request has really pricked my heart. Tell me about your mom." What an intro, right? But, she was gracious and gave me her story.
I won't go into great detail but let's just say that her story is EXACTLY like mine. I am NOT even joking. In the few moments that we spoke, she told me what was going on and I felt as though I was looking in a mirror - or watching an old video of me 9 years ago. The only difference is that instead of having ALS, her mom has the same exact cancer that Belinda had (Russell's sister who died a month after mom). Same exact stuff.
It became so crazy that I even asked her how old she was. 32 - just like I was. She has a 3 year old - just the age that Jarod was. She does have another child who is younger and she said, "He is my salvation because I can't look at him and not be sad for long." Oh how I remember those days.
In our very brief conversation she also mentioned that she knew the Lord was working and that she was too attached to her mom - that the Lord was cutting the apron strings and she was learning to trust Him in new ways.
I sit here in tears - fully knowing all that she is going through and will continue to go through as her mom quickly declines. I am also in awe at how the Lord brought us together this morning and thankful that I was obedient in talking to her. I gave her my phone number - told her to call me. I'll see her each week so I can follow up.
Please pray for her with me. And pray for me to continue to be obedient. To keep up with her - to encourage her as others encouraged me. I am so very thankful in having talked to her today. Even though my mothers death no longer defines me, God still continues to use it in my life and in the lives of those around me. My mother's death is no longer about
me and what
I went through. That had its time and place. Now, it's about how I can help others. I want to share, I want to be open and real. I want to encourage others coming behind me so that we can all enhance God's reputation.
He is a Great and Mighty and Personal God and He Loves Us - Oh! How He Loves Us. More than we can ever comprehend.
In other news this week, Russ and I celebrated our 14th Anniversary on Tuesday! Because we took a later vacation this summer, we were not able to get away like we usually do, but we are already making plans for next year - 15! Wow! We had lunch and spent the day together before we had to get the kids from school.
