The Power of Words

We receive Focus on the Family's Thriving Family magazine in the mail.  I love this magazine and often read it from cover to cover.  It has practical, Godly applications for marriage and raising children.  I especially love the way it divides their articles up by the age of your children.  For me, how I approach Jarod about something can often times be completely different than how I approach Anne.  Age difference, gender difference and even personality differences come in to play.  That's obvious.  But the practical application is often where I get hung up.  Especially as they grow up and change.

One article that caught my attention recently was in their summer issue.  Dr. John Trent wrote about "The Gift of Blessing". 

"As a counselor, I often see the benefits and the heartbreaking results of parental choices.  Sometimes it's as if I hear the cry that Esau made when he found out his brother, Jacob, had taken his father's blessing: "Esau said to his father, 'Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too my father!' Then Esau wept aloud" (Genesis 27:38).

Esau's desperate plea for his father's approval can be heard in families today.  Kids thirst for parental acceptance - they long for their mother and father to reinforce their worth.

Meeting your children's need for affirmation doesn't have to be difficult.  One way is to do what I call "the blessing."  This blessing has five distinct elements to build up your sons and daughters and help them understand their worth in your family and before God.  Those five elements are:

• Appropriate and meaningful touch
• Words of love and acceptance
• Value placed on the child
• Acknowledgement of a special future 
• genuine commitment"

Dr. Trent went on to give practical ways of doing these things within each age group.  When I finished reading it, I prayed that the Lord would show me ways that I could be more deliberate in "blessing" Jarod and Anne.  Sometimes I feel like all I do is discipline and correct.  Do they ever hear positive things from me?  Hmmmmm.

Well, the weeks went on and this article was forgotten about.  At least by me.  God NEVER forgets our prayers and continues to work and answer them long after we have put them out of our minds.  Little did I know that he was still working in my heart and putting ideas and "blessings" for my children into my head.

School started and Jarod came home wanting to talk about something that had happened one day.  Russ and I sat and listened to him tell of the events and how he handled the situation.  I have to admit, I somewhat expected to be disappointed in the way he handled it - or at least bring up ways that he could have done better.  But, I was so proud!  He had done exactly what we had told him to do in this type of situation.  He handled it with strength and maturity.  I was so excited!  He really does hear us!  It led to great conversation and us being able to praise him and his efforts!  I LOVE moments like these!  They feel so rare right now.

A few days later, while shopping, I decided to pick out a few cards for a friend.  While there I got the idea to give Jarod a card and tell him how proud I was of how he handled his situation at school.  Then I decided that I had better get Anne one too because - well - if you have more than one child - you get it.  One will come home, find the card, make a big deal about it - the other one won't have one, etc.....  So - I pick one out for Anne also.  I bring them home and fill them out and put them on their beds to find when they get home from school.

They came home, the day went on and nothing was said about either of them.  That night, when I was putting Anne to bed, I found her card, opened and on her dresser.  I said, "Oh!  You found your card!  Did you like it?"  She said, "I don't know - I didn't read it".  Ugh!  I think she just opened it looking for money.  :-)

I asked her if she would like me to read it with her and she agreed.  Now, let me pause here for a moment and say that Anne is reading up a storm right now.  She is devouring words and is so excited to be reading on her own.  That's why I was kind of surprised when she didn't read it.  So, I sat on her bed and asked her to read it to me.

This is what it said:

Anne read it to me without a problem. Well, she need help on the word smooshed - but who wouldn't?  Anyway, she couldn't make it through the last sentence - she was crying!  (She is so going to be like me!)  She grabbed me and hugged me and just cried.  I asked her what was wrong and she said, "That was just so nice, mom.  I love you too!"

We, of course, continued our "moment".  I tucked her in bed and pointed out that she had read that all by herself - with no help.  Any card up until now that she has received for her birthday or in the mail, we have had to read to her.  But this time she read it by herself.  I told her how proud I was of her and how much I loved her.  But as I left the room, something stuck with me......

Why had that affected her so deeply?  I had set out to bless Jarod but it seemed as if she needed it more in that moment.  I really only got a card for her too because I was trying to stop an argument.  I guess God had bigger plans!  Now I will say that Jarod did thank me for his - in his almost 12 year old boy kind of way. So I know that it did mean something to him as well.  But this really affected Anne.

Over the last week, while I've been contemplating all of this, the above mentioned article and my prayer came back to mind.  One of my Spiritual Gifts is Encouragement.  I don't seem to have a problem speaking words of encouragement to my friends, to my husband - but what about my children?  Had I not been giving Anne enough?  Was she starved for it by the time she read my card? 

She had had a rough week of adjusting to a new school year. 

She is a girl and sometimes we are just more emotional than even we want to be.

I do express myself in writing easier and more accurately than speaking sometimes.  I think it's because you can delete and start over if it doesn't sound right. 

Whatever the reason, it was exactly what she needed - when she needed it.  That was an answer to my prayer.  I had encouraged and blessed my Anne Girl.  That's all that matters.  I'm going to continue to look for ways to "bless" my kids.  Continue to listen to that still, small voice of God and be obedient so that I can be an encouragement to them and to others.  In the meantime, Anne and I are both going to continue to learn about the power of words........