Being a Parent is Hard Work

You know, it's really easy to plug away at life - do the next thing - and believe that everything is fine, that everything is "under control" and then your children walk into the room.  Funny how they so quickly remind us that life is hard.  That parenting is hard.  I know that God gave us children so that we could understand - a little better - not completely - His love for us.  But, He also put them in our lives to show us that we still need Him.

When Jarod was born, I remember thinking, "Why didn't he come with step by step instructions"?  But, we muddled through, learning how and when to feed him, how to put him on a schedule, how to take care of him physically.  I thought it was hard at first - more exhausting really - but I got used to it and everything got easier.  When they are that little, their needs are basic.  Food, clothing, rest, boundaries and the hugs and kisses were easy.  You stayed on top of him, protected him from dangers and kissed the boo boos to make them better.

As he grew and got older, we settled into a pattern.  Still protecting and loving him but he could dress himself, feed himself, put himself to bed (although we still tuck him in).  We pray with him, pray for him, have meaningful discussions, and plug away.  But his needs have shifted again and I feel as though I need that "step by step instruction manual".  Kissing the occasional scraped knee is easy - helping to heal the wounds that are deep inside the heart are not.

Yesterday, Jarod had a very bad day at school and got into the van in tears.  He NEVER does that.  He went on to explain a series of circumstances that left him feeling like his life was horrible and wishing he had never been born.  He explained times when he was innocent and times where he failed.  *Sigh*  I remember those days.  Life at that age is hard.  Children are cruel.  And your perspective doesn't really go beyond your own circle so you think that the entire world is out to get you and it will ALWAYS be that way.

I honestly believe that everything in our life happens for a reason.  To teach us and grow us - but also so we can be transparent and help others.  So we can all relate to each other.  Unfortunately, as an adult, we try and push out all the horrible memories from childhood.  All the bad things that were said and done by our peers and even adults.  Amazing how Jarod getting into the van yesterday brought all those memories back to me.  The feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and loneliness.  I realized yet another reason why I went through all my "stuff" as a child - to understand and relate with my own.

In times like these - you want to pull your child from everything involving another human being and lock them in the house until they're 35.  But when we were making the decision to put Jarod in school, God spoke very directly to my heart and said, "Cami, trust me.  The things that he is going to go through - both good and bad - are the things I need him to experience to make him into the man I need him to be later." 

I am so thankful for a gracious and loving God.  He gave me this confirmation so that on tough days like these I could remember that He is complete control.  He knew this day was going to happen and He knew that I would struggle as well.  He knew that I would need to be reminded that He has great plans for my son and He is - even now - with the difficult times - molding and shaping him into the person he is supposed to be.

As a mother, my role is changing.  I cannot protect him from everything.  He has to experience all the yuck in life, along with the good.  The next several years are going to be nothing but one huge roller coaster of life's highs and lows.  Independence and failure.  I have to be ready for whatever comes my way - I have to be prepared for both.  I have to be ready to teach, to correct, to guide, to listen and most importantly - to love.  But this kind of love is different than when he was a baby.  Loving a baby is easy.  They are cute and funny.  They easily melt your heart.  An adolescent teenager - not always so much.  It's a constant battle of wills and ideas and a fight for independence.  But he needs me to show him love now more than ever.  Not just the mushy, hugs and kisses, everything is wonderful kind of love.  But the tough love - the love of discipline and guidance.  Unfortunately, that doesn't always come across as love.  Through the eyes of a young teen, it comes across as cruelty and unfairness - no matter the package it's delivered in.

All I know is that right now I feel inadequate. I feel like I'm starting over.  These are uncharted waters for me - just like when he was born.  I've never done this before.  But, I know that God is adequate.  I know that God has a plan for my son and Russ and I are part of that.  I know that we will make mistakes - but I also know that God knows what those mistakes will be and has the power to heal.  I know that I need to continually remind myself and Jarod of that.  I need to continually point him back to the Lord. I know that I need to spend a lot of time on my knees - a lot of time communicating with Jarod.  I am thankful that I am not alone in this.  That Russ and I are a team.  That we can work together to help parent Jarod.

After such a bad day yesterday - Jarod's feelings of inadequacy and failure - Russ and I were at a loss.  We talked for a while about what to do to help and the Lord gave Russ the idea of taking Jarod with him to the church today to help with the Angel Food Ministries Distribution.  He and Jarod went to breakfast together, talked some things out and then went on to the church to help.  Jarod spent his morning passing out food and helping take it to people's cars.  He came home a different kid.  He had purpose this morning.  He felt needed and valued.  Don't we all need to be reminded of that sometimes?  Funny how a simple task of helping others can bring us out of the depths of despair that we can feel after a series of bad events.  I am so thankful that God gave Russell the idea to take him along.  It was just what he needed.

So - I knew the teenage years were coming.  I knew one day we would get here.  And I'm just at the very beginning of it all.  Am I ready?  Like so many other things in my life - I don't want to take a short cut and miss out on the lessons that the Lord has for me.  I also don't want to miss out on my son.  Being a parent is hard work.  It's 24/7.  There is no taking a break.  It's a lifelong commitment.  I have children - therefore I have the responsibility to them and to God to do this right.  I can only do this with God's help.  I will stand before God one day and be held accountable for the way that I parent my children.  That's humbling.  That's frightening.  I want so much to hear "Well done."  My children are part of my ministry here on earth.  I fall short so often.  But I serve a gracious and merciful God who will be with me every step of the way.  I can only be obedient to Him.  My children will fail. They will make bad decisions.  They are human - like me.  I can point them in the right direction but the rest is up to God.  There's a great peace in that.