I couldn't figure out what to do. Jarod wanted to return, along with a few other teens from church, and missing a full week of school wasn't an option. Taking a team without them seemed cruel.
The more I looked into things, the more complicated it became and I finally decided that it wasn't meant to be.
I still felt the desire to go myself. I feel that I represent Apparent Project best when I come down here and see everything first hand. Things change quickly. And besides, I always enjoy spending time with Shelley.
I continued to pray about it and wasn't sure how I was going to be able to go. I finally announced to our church that I was not leading a trip this year and very briefly stated that I would probably go in February and would give more details later. I had none to give. Just the gut feeling that I needed to go.
The next week, I was approached by someone in my church and was asked how much I would need for my trip. I was taken back as it was still only in the prayer stage. I gave them an amount and they walked off. Weird.
The following week, I was told by our church treasurer that the entire amount had been donated for my trip to Haiti. All I could do was cry.
At this point I KNEW that this was a clear sign that I was supposed to go - and I had the ability to do so (without all the worry and stress) but I didn't know WHY.
When I came to Haiti in February of 2012, I was coming here to see everything first hand. To meet Shelley and her family, the artisans - to see how everything is done. It was life changing for me. I KNEW I was supposed to be here. It was like I had a personal appointment with God.
Last year, I brought a team. Nine other people from my church were introduced to Apparent Project and a new way of thinking about missions. I KNEW I was supposed to be here.
This time - nothing. I booked my flight, made plans with Shelley and was so excited but I was still looking for the "why" - what was my purpose?
In October, Shelley resigned as Apparent Project Director. Everything totally shifted. You can read more about that exciting stuff here. Apparent Project is growing and changing. Exciting stuff is happening.
The Board of Directors has had several conference call meetings over the past few months as we look at things and try and decide what is next. Our last meeting was on Jan. 20 and during that meeting it was decided that everyone that could, would join me in Haiti for a vision casting board meeting.
Wow! NOW I know why I am here this week.
Marilyn (Shelley's mom and the new Director of Apparent Project) traveled to Jacksonville and stayed with me for a few days. We came to Haiti today and met up with two other Board Members, Jim and Pene. Joed will join us on Thursday as she is in country too with another team. The other two members will join us by phone.
This is where things become overwhelming for me. How did I go from this mom just wanting to collect cereal boxes and sell some jewelry to help them out - to sitting in Haiti as a Board member getting ready to help cast some kind of vision for the future of Apparent Project. It is completely overwhelming and humbling for me. I often find myself asking, why me? I do not feel worthy. But that's just it, I guess. This is where God teaches us the most. When we are completely and totally dependent on him. God, in His grace, has placed me here and I have a purpose.
So - here I sit. I got off of a plane at 4:00 today. I got in the Apparent Project truck and weaved in and out of traffic. The sights and sounds all familiar to me. The people - beautiful. As we traveled up the hillside, I kept seeing these signs.
Bright orange butterflies pointing the way to my destination. The way clearly marked in the chaos of the streets. How someone maneuvers the roads here is mind blowing for this American. But, my heart is happy each time I see a new butterfly. I know I am on the right path, getting closer and closer. Each time I come here, God does a major work in my life. The memories of my time with these people - my time with the Lord here - come alive and I feel like something new and amazing is about to happen. I know that everything in the past few years has lead to this time. Funny - I guess you could say that I've been seeing these Apparent Project signs for the past three years. God keeps giving me clear signs to lead the way and He keeps bringing me back to this place to teach me something new. About Him. About myself. And about these remarkable people.
So what does this week look like?
I have no idea.
I only know that I am supposed to be here. So here I am. Ready and willing to be used in whatever way I am needed. Ready and willing to be teachable. To continue to learn, to grow, to love.
Please pray for me this week.
Pray for bonding of the board members as we spend this time together.
Pray for wisdom and discernment as we seek God's design for what is next for Apparent Project. We all believe it's going to be HUGE! I can't wait to see what He is going to do.
Pray that decisions can be made in unity.
Pray for me - to allow the Holy Spirit to work in my life through all of this.
Pray that this will be used to be part of my foundation for what lies ahead.
Pray that He will direct all of us. That there will be bright, clear signs to lead our way so that lives can be changed and He can be glorified.
Until next time.....
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