"Mom, Can I Text Girls Now?"

I know I said that my next blog post would continue to talk about my trip to New York.  Sorry - putting that on hold for today.  I've been working through some things the last few days and feel the need to "work it out" here.  Funny how my blog becomes therapeutic at times.


Jarod turns 14 on Sunday.  I know, right?  Still wrapping my mind around it.

He is in the 8th Grade and is turning pretty little heads at school.  Last year he was smaller.  His hair was long and shaggy.  He had glasses.

He totally morphed over the summer.  He grew several inches, got contacts, cut off all his hair and his voice is cracking. Suddenly, this young man is living at my house, eating all my food!  It's nuts!

So - this is all normal, right?

Right.

Did I mention the girl part?

I know this is normal too but I will admit that it has struck a bit of fear in me and has even taken me a bit off track.  

He came home this week and asked me if he can text girls.   UGH!  Now I will tell you that he is talking about his friends.  We haven't seen much of the other yet - although I know it will come soon enough.

So - why is he asking this?

Let me back up a bit and explain -

We are "those parents" who did not allow him to have a cell phone until WE needed him to have one.  Entering Jr. High and coming home a few days a week to an empty house (because I'm running Anne to dance, etc.) constituted us needing him to have a phone.  Especially since we did away with the land line to save money.  I think he was one of the LAST ones in his age group to have a phone.  Not even kidding.

He still does not have a Facebook account.  He hovers over mine a lot but we just haven't felt like him having is own is necessary at this point.  So much drama happens via Facebook and teens.  Gosh - I think many adults still need to learn that some things just don't need to be talked about publicly.  So many things to misunderstand.  So many things are lost in translation!  (Body language, facial expressions, tone of voice)  Call me old fashioned, but some things need to be saved for real, live conversation.  Or at least a Private Message.  Throwing a bunch of teens (who are still maturing socially and trying to figure out who they are) into the mix can be dangerous.  Ya - he'll be the odd man out on that one for a little while longer.  Besides - some things are rights of passage.  We want him to appreciate the freedom and the responsibility of it all.

So - all of that being said - we also told Jarod that he was limited to who he could text/talk to. Mostly boys only.  A few girls (that we know) from church.  He's done pretty well at adhering to this rule.  The main reason it was made is because we don't know these girls.  I really am in protection mode.  It only takes one forward girl and a few texts or photos for the entire thing to get out of hand and Jarod be caught up in something that is over his head.

He and I have gone back and forth about this a bit this week.  I even got the "mom, I'm not a kid anymore - I'm 14" speech.

Nice!

I guess 14 is the new magical number.  I thought it was 16 or 18.  Anyway - I digress.....

Then, someone posted this blog on Facebook

FYI (if you're a teenage girl)

I liked it.  I felt like it validated my points.  I even made Jarod read it. (So he would better understand where I'm coming from -- and -- that I'm not the ONLY crazy, protective mom in this world)

Then I got on Facebook this morning and someone wrote this one in response:

Dear Mrs. Hall, Regarding Your “FYI (if you’re a teenage girl)”…

And I will have to admit that some of her points were just as valid.

We may see Facebook pages, posts, photos, etc. but do we really KNOW what's going on with that particular person?  Who are we to make such a blanket statement - shut her completely out - without knowing more.  There is ALWAYS a back story people!  ALWAYS!!!! 

But at the same time, I think we should monitor things like this.  We are allowed to have certain standards in our family.  If a movie or TV show doesn't hold up to certain standards, we don't allow it in our home.  We have control over that.  Why should the computer/Facebook be any different?  Jarod has watched me block people on my account because several of their posts were completely inappropriate.  (not just one - they were given grace)

So - where do I find a balance as a parent?


Then - there was THIS blog -

Seeing a Woman: A conversation between a father and son - See more at: http://natepyle.com/seeing-a-woman/#sthash.96RN0i43.dpuf

Seeing a Woman: A conversation between Father and Son

Oh my!  How perfect!  It's not about my policing these girls.  Shaming them - expecting them to live up to a crazy high standard and not allowing them to fail at some point.  It's not about my locking Jarod in a closet until he's 35 - although I have been very tempted!

It's about my teaching him.  My loving on him.  My modeling a Godly relationship with Russell in front of him.  It's about having those hard conversations.  Being available to listen, correct and not judge or condemn.  It's about trusting God with my son and the people that He brings into Jarod's life - knowing that ALL of it is part of his journey - his life lessons.  It's talking to him about this stuff and praying that he will recognize it for himself as time goes on.  I don't want to be the "morality police."  I can trust the Holy Spirit in his heart for that and then be there to reinforce what his heart is telling him.

Now, I'm not at all saying that I'm throwing up my hands and giving him full freedom.  That would be ridiculous and irresponsible on my part.  He is still 14 - he still needs a mom and a dad to walk with him through all of it.  But he is our focus - not all this external stuff.  His heart - his mind.  His reactions.  His responses.  Our job is to parent HIM - not everyone else.

We will move forward - s-l-o-w-l-y.......

I've known all this and feel confident that we've been doing this all along.  I just needed a bit of a reminder.  There was just something about the words, "Mom, can I text girls now?" that threw me off  a bit.  Go figure.......

He is noticing the new attention he is getting because of his new look.  He's not real impressed.  He told me, "If they only like me because of my new haircut and contacts, and not for me as a person, then they don't have a chance."

***Sigh***

I think we may be on the right track.


Until next time.....