This is My Journey

Wow!  Time has flown since I last posted.  I had my ApParent Project Open House, then we went to Sasha's for Thanksgiving and now we have rolled right into December.  The end of the year is quickly approaching!

My Open House was a success!  I also did a Bazaar at my Brother's church, a Fall Festival at the kid's school and word is continuing to spread!  Thinking about having another Open House for those who couldn't make it.  It may be a lot easier to spread it all out at once then having people come and go through it all individually. I will let you know.  So excited about the continued response though!  So far, I have well over $2000.00 to send to Haiti!  You guys are amazing!

I love this picture that Shelley posted on Facebook last night.  Her caption was, "This is the ApParent Project".  Love that the artisans are sitting around the table working and this chubby, healthy little one is sitting right in the middle of it all.  That's what it is all about!  Helping these beautiful people not only survive - but thrive!

I simply cannot wait to meet them!!!!  You know, I spend a lot of time talking about Shelley and about helping the artisans but I believe that they should get some credit too.  They are stepping out and breaking the cycle of dependency.  They are changing their lives with this opportunity.  They are working hard to change their lives - in a place that seems impossible to do so.  They are amazing to me.

Last summer when Shelley posted pics of the Christmas Tree Garland they were working on, I knew instantly that I would have some on my tree this year.  Our Christmas Tree is one of those "hodge-podge" trees.  A little of everything.  Remember the old Hallmark commercial where the kids are in the attic going through the ornaments and each one they pull out has a story behind it?  Yup - that's us.  Russ and I both have special ornaments from our childhood and then we began collecting them together starting with one from Jekyl Island, where he proposed.  So every year when we go somewhere new, or something special happens in our lives - we get an ornament to "mark the occasion".  It's so fun to pull them out each year and remember.  This year we added a ballerina, a smore playing the guitar (scout camp and guitar lessons rolled in one!), two ornaments from my trip to New Hampshire - and my ApParent Project ones.  Each one was special but I have to tell you that when I strung the garland on my tree, I stood back and just wept.  They were happy tears.  I was so full of joy - so thankful for all that God had done between last Christmas and now because of ApParent Project.  My life is forever changed because of the vision he has given me.  A vision beyond myself and my own little world.  A vision beyond the comforts of the United States.  God is so gracious toward us.  It meant so much to hang it on my Christmas Tree and know that it is now part of our "story" - part of us.  Part of me.

This week at BSF we have been studying Hebrews.  The beginning of Chapter 4 talks about entering God's rest.  The rest of salvation and also the sabbath rest (a day off). Obedience brings rest in our lives.  Disobedience is sin and brings turmoil, chaos, consequences.  Sometimes turmoil and chaos are also a result of our obedience.  But the difference is - we can "rest" in the turmoil.  We can "rest" in the chaos.  We can have joy because we know we have been obedient and we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Easy? No.  But still truth just the same.

Last year the Lord purposely brought me through turmoil in order to teach me things.  I knew He was up to something big in my life - so even in the craziness, I had a peace.  I sit here, a year later, in His rest.  My tree is up, the Christmas cards are already in the mail, most of my gifts are purchased or made and Christmas music is playing.  I am excited again about Christmas and all that it brings.  This is probably the first time I have ever entered the month of December and not felt stressed. Ah - the peace of Christmas.

Many things have happened in my life over the past 10 - 15 years and if you follow my blog regularly, you know that I believe firmly that everything - EVERY. THING. - happens in our life for a reason.  A lesson for us, for those around us, to grow us, to shape us.  Our job is to look for that reason - that purpose - and allow God to do His work in it.  So often, we get a little uncomfortable and we begin to resist - to fight - when really we need to rest.  Trust. 

I get so upset with my children when they don't trust me.  They question a decision I have made - continually try and get me to change my mind.  The decision has been made because I know the bigger picture - I know that we are going to do something different - something better!  Or I am protecting them from danger - not trying to keep them from having fun.  Each time I get upset, the Lord whispers to my heart and says, "You are just like them." Ouch!   I cannot rest in His answer.  I am impatient.  I want what I want - what I think is best.  And all the while He is loving me, protecting me, planning something better.  My kids drive me absolutely batty when this happens.  There are raised voices involved!  It's not always never pretty! I'm so thankful that God is such a gracious, loving and patient Father when it comes to us.

So, I say all of this to say that I realized this week that I have had a new attitude.  It's kind of crept up on me.  Isn't God good how He slowly begins to change your heart and mind until something becomes a normal, natural thinking process?  It can only be a God thing because by nature we kick and scream and fight for our way.  But lately I've found myself saying, "Well, this is my journey."  Meaning that whatever happens in my life - good or bad - well, it's my journey.  All of it is part of His plan - the plan He had for me before I was even created.  The plan He had to bring me closer to Him.  Isn't that what I want anyway?  Why fight it?  Why kick and scream?  Why complain?  Is it hard sometimes?  Yes.  Is it exciting sometimes?  Absolutely.  But it is what it is.  And I would rather walk in it and "rest" than fight.  Because when we are fighting it - when we are complaining about it - when we are worried or panicked or anxious over something - we are not being useful to Him.  He puts things in our lives so that we can bring glory to Him.  When we don't do that we are sinning.  Period.  God has allowed it - so complaining about it - having a huge pity party over it - does nothing but draw attention to ourselves - not God.

Please don't misunderstand me in that I'm NOT saying that we cannot be angry or sad - or grieve our circumstances.  Or talk it out with a friend.  I have to talk out loud (or write) to process.  God knows that about me already.  That is normal - that's being human.  We all have expectations of how we think something should be or should have been.  But how often are those expectations ever met at 100% ?

What is happening to me now is that beyond all my life circumstances - beyond my own human and often roller coaster of emotions - I know that nothing surprises Him.  NOTHING.  The good, the bad, the horrible telephone call we may receive, the yucky sin that we commit.  Nothing.  We can trust Him.  We can "rest" in Him.  And He will walk with us on our journey - being right there to hold us tight when we need held, to encourage us when we need encouraged, to cry with us when we are sad and to smile when we are happy.  You see, He loves us - oh!  How He loves us!  More than we can EVER comprehend.  And I am beginning to live my life with less and less expectations - because I can rest in Christ and know that whatever He has for me is the ABSOLUTE best for me anyway.