Blessings of the Heart

Wow!  Christmas is coming around the corner quickly.  I still can't believe the difference from last year until now.  I was doing some figuring earlier in the week for my Calligraphy business.  Looking at totals for the end of the year and comparing them to last year.  I have a print out of my monthly totals from the beginning of my business in 2005.  It helps me to project a pattern and see what kind of month I will have.  I printed off last months sales report and about fell over.  I dug out my monthly totals and about fell over again.

Last year my business stopped - I mean stopped in the months of Sept - Nov.  My totals hadn't been that low since I first started.  If you remember, I was so distraught.  You can read about that here.  And here.  And the last part of this blog, here.  Ya - it was rough.

I learned so many things last year.  Mostly I would sum it up by saying that I learned to simplify.  Not that we have EVER had enough cash flow to be crazy at Christmas so it's not so much about simplifying stuff as it was about simplifying my heart.  My attitude.  Giving from the heart - not just giving to give.  Using my funds to help others in the process (enter ApParent Project).  Not getting caught up in the commercialism. Not giving in to the pressures to spend on things we don't really need, just to have something under the tree.

I see even more now, a year later, that God put me there.  I look at my monthly figures from last year and I see how He made everything stop.  It wasn't a coincidence.  It wasn't just a bad year for me.  In spite of the decrease during those months, my business still did better than the year before.  God had to strip all the "extra" away.  To keep me from the busyness of work so I didn't have so much to do - in order to get my attention.  To open my eyes to Haiti - to the world around me.  I kicked and screamed and cried and pouted and took all of you though my emotional roller coaster. It was hard.

My friend, Emily, asked me last year - "What will you do next year if you have the cash flow again?  Will you go back to the same patterns?"  (Don't you love friends that make you think?)  I couldn't answer her last year.  I wanted to be able to emphatically say no - but how quick and easy we can get sucked back into our sinful attitudes.  Hmmmmmm - what was this year going to bring?

Well, I can answer her now.   Emily - for this year - the answer is no.  God did a major heart change in me last year.  Even more so than I understood until Christmas began to come around again.  I printed off my sales reports this week and the months of Sept - Nov. of this year have had record highs!  I mean ridiculous numbers - like more than double what I have EVER done.  You cannot tell me that God is not in that!  It's like He stopped everything, got my attention and then January hit and I have been blown away with business all year.   I fully expected things to slow down again because they always do a little.  But no! He gives and takes away.  This year will be a record year for me and I honestly believe it is because of my obedience from last Christmas.  Please know that I am not saying that I have it all together - I'm just trying to testify of the consequences - the blessings that come from being right where you need to be and being teachable.  Not an easy thing for any of us.  I like to call them Blessings of the Heart.  Because when your heart is changed - everything else is too.

And the wonderful thing is - He's not done yet.  I still have a trip to Haiti around the corner.  More things to learn.  I'm so thankful that God is not finished with me yet.  I'm so thankful that when He looks at me, he sees the already finished product and He continues to take the time to get me there.  Even with all of my kicking and screaming.  Change is NEVER easy.  It's NEVER comfortable.  Having a mirror held up to you revealing your ugly, sinful, bratty self - ya - NOT pretty.  But if we stand there - look really hard - repent of it - grieve it - and allow God to come in and put His fingerprints all over us, we will one day see what He sees.  And every once in a while, He does give us a glimpse of that now.  He loves us people!!!!

I say all of that to hopefully encourage you.  Especially if you are going through your own trial right now.  God does see that finished product and He knows us - He knows our personalities - He made us for goodness sakes!  He knows EXACTLY what it is going to take to get us to that finished product.  Again - this is our journey.

If you are going through a trial - embrace it.  Be thankful for it. Know that God is working in you to mold you and shape you into the person that He needs you to be.  How is best going to fulfill our ultimate purpose - to bring Him Glory!  It's all about Him anyway.  Not us.

Trust His plan - rest in his purpose.  Know that you are in good hands and when it's over - it's going to be AWESOME!!!!!

This year is going to be awesome.  We have continued to scale back - our Christmas will not be quite as simple as last year but there is an attitude change.  The pressure is off and we are thoroughly enjoying the season.  I have never felt so relaxed about Christmas.  So at peace. God is so good.  We have re-evaluated our giving and this year our gifts are focusing on things that are needed as well as time together as a family.  Anne and I are having a "girls day" and are going to the Nutcracker Ballet this weekend.  The money that would have been spent on gifts for Russ and I is going towards a family vacation in North Carolina between Christmas and New Year's.  We have found a place tucked away in the mountains free of TV and other distractions so we can focus on family time.  We are all a bit giddy!  We have a few other things up our sleeves but I will reveal them after Christmas.  Let's just say it has to do with getting away more often and making family memories on a regular basis again.  If you know me well - it won't take you long to guess.  It was my husband's suggestion - He's so awesome! 

I look forward to continuing to share my journey with you.  I hope to encourage you along the way as I tell of all that God is going to do in my life in 2012.  I'm so excited!   I pray that you are too.........