From One Christmas to Another

This time last year I was a mess.  I can't even begin to describe to you all that was going on in my heart and my mind.  This excerpt from a blog post on Nov. 15, 2010 will give you an idea.  Feel free to click through and read the rest as well......

"Though There's Pain in the Offering"

My mind is swirling with things tonight and so I thought I would sit down and try to put them in order.  So - bear with me as I "listen to myself".

The Lord is definitely working in my heart, although I'm not quite sure what to do with it yet. We are extremely tight this year as far as Christmas goes.  The thought of purchasing gifts is overwhelming.  All I know is - I want to make them count!  I want to use what money I do have for something eternal.  Not to sit in my own little family huddle - but reach out and help others who truly have NEEDS.  I don't want to think twice about giving to others.  I've been praying for the last several months that the Lord would make me a generous giver.  I'm sure that is where all this is coming from.  I want to be able to just give and not think twice about it.  But I want my gifts to be eternal - to meet a need.  I don't want to think "Oh - but if I give that money away - or -  if I spend my money on them, then I can't pay for...."  I just want to give - cheerfully.

That post - led to this one: 

I Get it!

Little did I know at the time how much of an impact all of that would have on my life. I sit here, a year later, reading over those, being weepy (cause that's just who I am) and being so very thankful for where God has brought me in the last year.

 

I felt like such a Scrooge last year and I couldn't figure out why.  As Christmas began to approach this year, I realized I had begun to brace myself at bit - not knowing how I was going to respond to it all.  Last year money was ridiculously tight and we couldn't even understand or figure out why.  It was very strange.  I didn't have the desire to purchase one single thing.  I had absolutely no ideas on what to get anyone - I always have ideas.  Last year - nothing.  Zip.  It was the strangest thing.  At one point I even said, "If someone where to hand me $1000 to go purchase gifts, I wouldn't even know what to do with it."  

 

Looking back on all of that now - a year later - I can honestly say it was all a "God thing" as I call it.  God brought me to that place and held me there.  Today I understand why.  I honestly and truly believe that it was all about ApParent Project.  It was about opening my eyes beyond myself - beyond my little world  -  and discovering a new place where God wanted to plant my heart.  A place for me to serve - even in a small capacity, from a distance - a place for me to go beyond myself.  A place for me to get to know and understand more about the poor, the broken, the "least of these".  

 

When I started doing this last year, it began as a Christmas project. Something for ME to invest in - something to help ME feel better about my Christmas spending.  It began - as most things do - about ME.  But as the year has progressed, it has gone beyond me.  It has infiltrated itself deep within my heart as I have begun to see the artisans as real people.  As I have heard their stories, learned more about them from Shelley's blog and Facebook posts,  it has progressed from faces on the jewelry tags to genuine people with real stories.  It's no longer about me - it is about them. And I am excited (and terrified) as I plan for my trip to Haiti in February, to know that it will become all the more real when I actually meet these wonderful people in person.  

 

So I sit here a year later being blown away at how far God has brought me.  I know that I am on the right path.  I am exactly where He wants me to be regarding all of this and that is so freeing.

 

As we enter Christmas this year, I can honestly say that I am excited!  God has answered so many prayers from last year.  I began shopping early, as I've had many fun ideas (which I know have come from the Lord) and a lot of my gifts are already purchased.  My cards are done and stamped and waiting to go out once December gets here.  We will put up our Christmas Tree on Thanksgiving weekend and I will decorate it with ApParent Project ornaments and tree garland.  I already have my cookie baking on the calendar and I have been listening to a little Christmas music.  I'm almost giddy about it!  Hee! Hee!  I honestly feel like my old self again - only with a deeper understanding of Christmas.  Things will never be quite the same as before. And for that I am thankful.

 

As you know I am a firm believer in God allowing things in our lives for a reason.  He brought me to my crazy emotional, messed up place last year, so He could bring me back to my excited, celebrating self this year with a NEW purpose and a NEW reason to celebrate.  With a new outlook on the world around me. It's NEVER about ME.  It's always ultimately about Him - I'm just along for the ride.  I'm so thankful that I was willing to do the soul searching it took last year. I am thankful for His grace and His mercy on my life. That He takes me to new and hard places so that I can grow and become more like Him.

 

Obedience is always hard - always scary - but ALWAYS worth it!  There is no other place I'd rather be than right smack where He wants me.

 

Until next time......