I Get it!

In my last post, I wrote about the way God is working in my heart about giving.  About going beyond myself.  About taking our family beyond our little "huddle".  I have to be honest and say that I've never had much of a "world vision".  Not because I didn't want one - not because I didn't notice. But it never went beyond that.  I was so busy with stuff around me.  Ministry right here in front of me.  Teenagers and their all consuming "drama", puppet teams, my own babies, caring for my mother when she had ALS, starting my own business to help support our family, BSF, being a Pastor's wife.  All very good things - and all things that God had for me at the time.  But, now He is working in a new area.  Stretching me beyond my circle.  Allowing me to see others.  REALLY see others. It's funny, when Russ told me he was going to Haiti, I was like, "Great!  God isn't just going to let this go - something crazy is about to happen".  (you have to say that with a bit of sarcasm in your voice).

I don't feel guilty about not seeing things before.  God knows what my journey is - he knew I couldn't handle more than I was already doing.  Those were the things He had for me at the time.  But, back in August, when the kids went back to school, and I started to have "me time" - I knew something was coming.  I knew God was working and growing and changing me.  I had choices to make.  I could go back and do what I had always done - what had been comfortable.  Or I could wait and see what new thing the Lord had for me.  It was a hard decision at times.  Just "resting" - not doing the "spiritual" thing.  But sometimes resting is spiritual.  How can we hear God if we are always running like crazy?

So - Russ went to Haiti.  I've never been on a mission trip outside of the U.S. before.  Many people asked me why I wasn't going - or if I even wanted to.  I have to say that I did not have the desire to go.  Not because I didn't want to help people - but I feel that God puts those kinds of desires in your heart - and it just wasn't there for me.  Practically speaking - I have two children.  Both Russ and I cannot be gone for seven days - out of country - during the school year.  It just wasn't practical.  Wasn't my time to go.  Do I want to go somewhere like that someday?  YES!  But right now my priority is being Mom.  That's my number one mission field.  I'd like for us all to go as a family when the kids are old enough.  Hey!  We spent 6 weeks in Oregon - that's a start!  But even if being mom is my priority - my kids are older now - there are other things that I can do right here.

So - Russ went to Haiti.  Even though I did not have the desire to go, I was jealous.  Not jealous that He was getting to do something cool for God or jealous that he got to travel and I didn't.  More like a "this is the first time since we've been married that God is going to do really cool things with you and I'm not going to be there to experience it with you first hand" kind of jealous.  Does that make sense?   We've always done everything like that together.  I hated the lack of communication we had while he was gone.  I wanted to be there to experience the heart break, the tears, the God moments with him.  And I couldn't.  I felt like an outsider.  There is now this part of his life that I don't really get.  Or do I?  I know I'll never get it fully - but God is working.

So - Russ went to Haiti.  He came back different.  I knew he would.  I fervently prayed that I could understand as much as possible.  That I could support him.  Be quiet where I needed to be quiet and ask questions when I needed to ask questions.  God was so good and gave us a long weekend away so we could talk and he could share and work things out in his own mind.  But God, in his grace, didn't leave me out.  He allowed all of this to rub off on me too.  He allowed it to open my eyes to a world around me that I hadn't really taken the time to notice before. 

Now - let me back up a bit and say that Russ had been dealing with this long before he went to Haiti.  He's been preaching it from the pulpit since we started at Ocean Park.  "It's not about us.  It's not about preference.  It's not about our "Holy Huddle".  It's about everyone else around us who needs to know Christ. It's about those around us that have NEEDS!  Genuine needs.   Let's get out of the pews and do something different - do something in the community."  I know that so many Sundays he feels like that just falls on deaf ears.  I pray fervently that I can encourage him on those days.  That a fire will be lit in our church family and consume the congregation.  That people will "get it" and be excited!  I desire for the church to buzz like a bunch of bees - going to and fro and sharing the work - sharing the results with each other.  Sharing Christ. 

A few months ago I saw a Hummingbird in my front yard.  I immediately went out and purchased a feeder, filled it with that fun red stuff they like and then sat back and waited.  Nothing.  Not one bird.  It was that way for weeks.  This bright red feeder - wonderful yummy food - Nothing.  Then on Monday I noticed a few bees buzzing around it.  And the food looked like it had gone down a bit.  'Must have begun to evaporate', I thought.  Within an hour - there were dozens and dozens of bees all round this thing!  Fighting for a position to get in and drink the food.  The food level had gone down significantly!  They were so excited!  All working together and buzzing about.  I saw their excitement!  I saw how it became contagious!  Everyone wanted a taste - everyone wanted to be a part of this exciting find! Everyone wanted to share in the work. They are, after all, making honey.  They have a job to do - one bee can't do it alone!  He couldn't have emptied that entire feeder.  But when they all worked together - man!  That food was disappearing!

Well - I don't know. This all feels sort of cliche' because I am the Pastor's wife - I'm supposed to "get it".  Don't you just love how Satan puts thoughts in your head?  "Your supposed to get it - no one is going to really hear you - you're the pastors wife - you are supposed to have it all together already."  I HATE that!  You know what - I'm human - just like everyone else.  I don't have it all together.  I sin - I fall short.  Heck!  I'm always 2 steps behind Russell.  He's always waiting for me to catch up.  But you know what - he's not perfect either.  All the things he stands up and preaches about are things that he struggles with personally too!  Things that God is showing him - things he has to repent over - be broken hearted over.  so - I'm not going to hide behind my fears anymore - I'm going to be real and I'm going to say - I FINALLY GET IT!!!!!

I FINALLY GET IT!!!  I GET IT RUSSELL!  I'm excited!  I'm ready to do something!  I'm ready to share - not just myself - but my resources!  I'm ready to make a difference!  I'm ready to get going! I'm tired of the same thing week after week after week.  I'm ready to truly worship with my whole heart - with my resources - with my everything.  I want to make a difference.  If I have to be the fire that lights in our church - then so be it.  I GET IT! 

One of the things that I discovered yesterday in my search for what God wants me to do to help make a difference is this:

These beautiful pieces of jewelry are made out of cereal boxes by Haitian Artisans with The Apparent Project. And I found out yesterday that they need cereal boxes!  Now that is something I can do!

And I can have a jewelry party and help sell these beautiful pieces so that people in Haiti can have enough money to keep their families together.  The majority of orphans in Haiti are not orphans because their parents died - but because their parents couldn't feed them.  They give them up in order to save their lives.

I know my post today is already long so I will just say - Read this blog to find out more.  I'm ready to help!  I'm excited about this! I can't wait to share it with others - to host a jewelry party!  And I'll tell you - I hate hosting parties like that!  But 100% of all the proceeds go to Haiti!  Now that's something I can get behind!  I want to help collect cereal boxes so these beautiful people can continue making this beautiful jewelry!  I want to go beyond myself!  This is easy......wonder what else I can do???????  What can you do???????

Who's with me????????