"In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the purpose of His will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be for the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1:11-12
This verse has served as a great reminder for me this week. Being a Pastor's wife, I often come face to face with expectations. Expectations that others place on me. Expectations that I place on me. And sometimes it's as complicated as "what I think others think" I should be doing. UGH! Talk about the mind games! And the sad thing is that none of it has been verbally communicated. It's just there. Below the surface. And if I am not careful, I can allow it to control me. I can allow it to get to me. My human nature wants to make everyone happy. If only I were as spiritual as they think I am - or even as they think I should be!
I hate expectations. I have decided that what screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be. We do nothing but hurt ourselves by thinking that way. I can get so caught up in the mind game that I lose the important stuff. What really is.
Why do I give others so much power? I can play games in my head all day about what people think, what is being said, thought and expected by others. But, when it boils right down to it, the only One I answer to is Christ. Like the verse above says, I was chosen. Predestined for His purpose. For His will. For the praise of His glory. I am here to enhance God's reputation. To bring Him glory. Not to fulfill the expectations of others. Not even to fulfill my expectations. I shouldn't have any. I gave up my rights when I became a child of Christ. I live for Him and Him alone.
Russ told me when we were first married to "Learn how to say no". To only take on the things that I KNOW God wants me to do. I have done so. It's not always easy because I never want to disappoint anyone. And I find that many times, I am misunderstood. I have learned that each time someone approaches me with a new "ministry" idea that I need to pray about it. I have said no often because I don't have a peace about it. I don't always have a why. So many things within the church are "good" things, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it is what God wants ME to do. IF I am always stepping up and taking up the slack somewhere then I am not allowing someone else in the church to have that blessing. To step out on faith and do the task that God has called THEM to do - not ME. God has something very specific planned for me and if I am busy doing all the other "stuff" just because it's expected or I'm trying to please people - then I will miss out completely.
As a pastor's wife, my first and highest priority is to Russell. I am his helpmate. My job is to make sure that our house is orderly and scheduled so that when he comes home, he can turn his brain off. As pastor, he is pulled in several different directions all day, helping people, ministering, solving problems, preaching, teaching, encouraging. It is physically and spiritually exhausting. My job is to be his encourager.
My second priority is being a mom. Whereas Russ and I are a team when it comes to parenting, I handle as much at home as I can to help keep our house orderly and scheduled.
Next, I believe, comes my roll in the church. But I only take on the things that the Lord has clearly shown me to do and will not interfere with the top priorities listed above. When that interference happens, our house is in chaos and I don't know which end is up. I become stressed out and I never feel like I do anything "well". I just wind up hurrying up to get to the "next thing". I speak from experience on this one - it's not fun! I tried doing too much a while back and we were out of control. That is NOT what God's purpose is. How does that bring Him glory? How does that enhance His reputation?
But I am human and I still fight with my thoughts. I still wonder what people think. I still want to make people happy. I am hurt when I am misunderstood. I get defensive. I get angry. And in the end, I wind up on my knees, giving it to God, asking for forgiveness because His plan for my life is the ONLY one I need to worry about. I make no apologies for that. I will not stand before congregations of churches one day - I will stand before my Savior. Only what I have done for Him and His kingdom will matter.
May He find me faithful to be the "Praise of His Glory".
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