Perspective

I can't believe how long it has been since I have sat down to write on here.  My calligraphy business literally took off last year!  What had been mostly part time with a few crazy busy times during the year went into overdrive!  It became full time and then some.  Suddenly I was working 70+ hours a week just to keep up.  Plus doing the whole mom and wife thing.  Some days I didn't know which end was up, or when I would sleep again.  I could only focus on the deadline in front of me.  My poor family!  There were days that if someone asked me to do one more thing, I would practically lose it!  Throw in a family vacation and two trips to Haiti and I'm surprised I survived!  My business always slows down in the fall and usually I struggle with it - but this year I welcomed it with open arms.  I was still busier than a normal fall, but I felt like I could breathe again.   So, needless to say, many things got put on the back burner - one of which was my blog.  Which makes me sad because I love to write on here.  It's therapeutic for me as I work through things that God is teaching me.

Which is what brings me here today.  Balancing my calligraphy, my family life, my ministry life and my personal life has been extra hard this year.  I know that God gave me my business so that I could stay home and be a mom and also help contribute to the income needed to support our family.  I also know that my priority is being a wife and a mom.  There were times this past year where I failed.  Or at least I felt like it.

God's timing is perfect.  When the kids were little, my work was manageable to do at night after they were in bed.  It didn't overlap or interfere with our days.  Now that they are older, I have more freedom during the day as well.  But I was writing all day and all night this past year.  Stopping only to taxi kids and to sleep a little.  My health suffered because of it, gaining more weight than I care to talk about and definitely not getting enough sleep.  My kids suffered as I would find myself being resentful of having to stop what I was doing to go get them from school.  Don't they know I have a deadline?  Maybe they can just walk the 10 or so miles home today!  Cooking dinner became a chore as well - so whatever was quick and easy became the norm (enter weight gain!)  Don't even get me started on a spiritual life - no time for that!  By the end of summer, I was exhausted and miserable.


By July, I was begging God for help.  I couldn't balance things on my own.  I couldn't find the proper perspective and I didn't see an end.  Enter Youth Camp.  Russ needed a woman to go and chaperone the girls cabin this year.  I just looked at him!  I had absolutely NO desire to go.  I had too much work to do and just the thought of going away for a week totally stressed me out!  I complained for weeks leading up to camp.  He stayed after me and I of course went.

It was there that God snapped me out of myself.  I have always loved working with teenage girls and I had a whole room full of them.  After the first night, I knew I was supposed to be there.  I needed the time to regroup and focus on our Father as much as they did.  I spent time getting to know them and I spent one on one time with God.  I fell in love with each of the girls and told God I didn't want the week to end.  How could I continue my relationship with them?  He whispered, "Sunday School - I want you to teach Sunday School."  Seriously?  How am I going to work on preparing a lesson with my crazy schedule?  But I had an incredible peace come over me and obeyed.

I've been teaching for over 4 months now.  Each Sunday I walk into my class with these same sweet girls and they help me keep my life in perspective.  I love chatting with them and seeing God work in their lives.  So very thankful.

Because of my busy-ness, I almost did not have my Apparent Project Open House this year.  But, when several people started asking, I decided to go ahead with it.  I'm doing so many other things for Apparent Project right now.  Mostly behind the scenes, which adds to my work load.  But because of my craziness, I was really not into the Open House this year.  Saying that breaks my heart!  5 years ago you couldn't get me to shut up about it!  Just a few years ago I was driving all over Jacksonville speaking at churches and selling jewelry like crazy!  This year it just felt like a burden.

For the past 4 years - I have sold over $4000 worth of jewelry in two days at my Open House.   My house is crowded with people who carpool from all over Jacksonville.  I have a line of people waiting to pay!  This year - my house was relatively calm and when the weekend was over, I only sold about $1300 worth of stuff.   I was devastated.

So now I'm left to figure out - was this my fault because my heart wasn't in it.  I felt too busy and didn't push it enough?  Was it the weekend that I chose?  Have I saturated my area and people just are not interested in it anymore?  My perspective has been off all year and was this a reflection of that?  Was the jewelry selling just a season for me and now because I'm doing so many other things for AP, he's shutting that door?  Why wasn't my heart in it?  Am I focused on too many other things?  Has Haiti become no big deal to me?  (Something which I prayed would NEVER happen!)  Funny how here in America you can get so easily caught up in your own life and it's normal.  It's accepted.  It's almost expected.  But I don't want that to be me.

God spent weeks - months working on my heart 5 years ago to put His passion in me.  To give me this assignment.  I do take it seriously.  I love Haiti and the people that I have met there.  I'm so thankful to be a part of what is going on to create jobs and change lives. 

Often by this time of year, I begin to feel a bit disconnected.  Only going to Haiti once or twice a year makes it hard to stay focused.  To remember why we do what we do.  Out of sight, out of mind, so to speak.

Wednesday evening, I got on Facebook and saw this -

"One of the precious twins in the daycare, Darline died today. Cami Franklin and I first met her on a walk in the neighborhood when she was just born living in a tin shack and in a horrible situation with four sisters and a mom with no job. We gave her mom a job, fixed her broken leg and have watched her grow into a precious toddler. They asked me if I wanted to come see her body in the shack a stones throw from my house. I knew I couldn't handle it. Fighting poverty is full of sadness... but still worth it. RIP Darline... map we ou anko!!! This was the day I met her..."

I will never forget this day.  I had just arrived at Shelley's hours before and we went for a walk in the neighborhood.  One of the artisans had given birth to twins and we went to visit.  I walked up the hill with Shelley's kids and when I came down, here was Shelley holding two new ones!  I snapped this photo as it just shows Shelley's heart clear through.  It's always been one of my favorites.

The sweet mom looked so tired and took us back to her house.  It was an area of Little Clarvil that I had never been before.  A shack of a house with a tin roof and no windows.  A dirt floor and one bed in the corner.  No other furniture.  It was so dark in there that Shelley had to use her cell phone as a flashlight so we could see.  I was glad it was dark as I was working hard to hold it together.   There were a couple of dirty blankets on the dirt floor in the other corner.  Four other children lived in this little house and our hearts broke.  Shelley gave this mom a job and the twins were in our daycare the next day.  This was February of 2014.

This family had been doing so much better!  The twins had grown into busy little toddlers and were doing well.  Then to find out this week that Darline had died.  Of a virus that here in the states would have been so preventable.

I sat and sobbed.  I had met her.  I had held her.  I helped with the organization of the daycare so she had a safe place to be.  It still wasn't enough!  This definitely snapped me back into perspective!  THIS is why I do what I do.  THIS is why I sell jewelry even if I think I am too busy or too tired or whatever excuse I can come up with!  THIS is why I am on the Board of Directors.  THIS is why I work on so many things behind  the scenes.  THIS is why I promote our Party Boxes and Fundraisers on Facebook.  THIS.  Just This.

I was grumbling about $1300 - but you now what?  That's $1300 more than they had before.  The fight, the passion, the push - it HAS to continue.  Families are at stake. Lives are at stake.

I'm thankful that God is faithful.  He has answered my cries for help and He is allowing me to gain the proper perspective again.   He sent help with my diet and organization, but that is a blog for another day!

As the new year quickly approaches, I pray that I can maintain the proper perspective and keep a balance with ALL that God has placed in front of me to do.  I don't know what the next year holds, but I want to make sure that my focus is in the right place.  I want my attitude to be centered on God and what He has for me in the moment.  He allows everything in our life for a purpose.  There are lessons to be learned as well as the opportunity to know Him better.  I want to snuggle in and learn from the Master.

Until next time......